I Slummed It at Falls Fest and All I Got Was This Shitty Comedown

I’d never been to a camping music festival before, in my mind I pictured people sitting in hippy pants, passing doobs around and singing kumbaya. I was sorely mistaken. The festival itself was actually great, all the acts killed it and the crowd partied harder than Charlie Sheen at an all-you-can rack cocaine buffet. While […]

Donald Trump Made Me A Mercenary

Fiction. Remember how we’d sit around the kitchen table, drinking tequila from plastic cups till the sun came up? We’d scoff at the capitalist system, at money, and those helpless people devoted to it. You would roll cigarettes and we’d talk about Mao Zedong and Thomas Pynchon, and we’d laugh and imagine a life unburdened […]

How to start loving yourself

“I WISH I COULD RUN ACROSS A BEACH INTO MY OWN ARMS” – A real quote by Kanye If you haven’t already guessed by my mention of the Lord of self-love — Kanye West, I’m here to talk about Self Love and why you should get on that bandwagon — quick smart. Are you already there? Have you ever even […]

Surviving Your Awkward Work Christmas Party

The time is nigh my friends. When we must, once again, endure the yearly tradition of being forced into a room with our work colleagues to drink alcohol and reminisce on all the hard work we put in the past year (Facebook scrolling and online shopping). I imagine a scene vaguely similar to mine: we’re […]


“…Alice…” “Alice get up!… Fine, all to myself then.” It’s bright outside my weak eyelids and I can’t force them open. Without looking, I know that she’s sitting in the front seat, knee on dashboard and blanket across her shoulders. Her perfect teeth are destroying the innocent muffin I bought for myself yesterday afternoon. “And […]