It’s by now a commonly acknowledged fact that not all heroes wear capes. Well, yeah: turns out not all heroes wear condoms, either.
Some heroes spend their days catching crooks and saving babies from burning buildings, while others, like 41-year-old Ari Nagel, can be found in the bathroom of their local Target, watching porn on their iPhone as they wank into a cup.
“There’s homeless people in that Target bathroom all the time… You have people showering [in the sinks] there,” says Nagel, in his own defence. “What I’m doing is the least of their problems.”
What he’s doing, in fact, is dishing out a batch of his so-called ‘supersperm’ so that he can offer it to the eager woman waiting patiently outside the door. She, the recipient, will then enter the ladies restroom and insert the highly-prized substance into her cervix. Apparently “It’s better when it’s fresh.”
As the father of some 26 kids around the world, this is Nagel’s passion – and, as the increasingly famous ‘Sperminator’, it’s become his full-time occupation.
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This human seed bank travels the world having sex: taking trips to such exotic locales as Israel and Vietnam to meet women in the primes of their ovulation schedules. They pay for his flights, and he delivers his highly potent strain of baby gravy completely free of charge.
Oftentimes, though, this New York resident prefers engaging in a bit of hand-to-gland combat with himself in order to cough up the goods: using the restrooms in his local neighbourhood Target and Starbucks stores.
“This isn’t time-consuming, and I’m doing it anyway,” says the hairy-handed hero. “It’s very easy for me to do.”
The Sperminator’s rugged good lucks and charming personality make him a dream prototype for many aspiring mothers. His clients are typically single ladies and lesbian couples: those who rely on sperm donations to make their dreams of having children a viable reality.
“Some of the mums video-chat every day,” he says. “They all love each other — maybe a little too much. [Some of] the mums are flirting and hooking up.
“Creating a life and saving a life are my proudest moments… It’s an honour to be chosen.”
Anyone wanting to cash in on this supersperm giveaway had better get it while the going’s good, though. Now entering into his middle age, Nagel has admitted that he’ll only be siring children for another year or two. After that, he’ll consider passing the torch on to his now 13-year-old son.
“He’ll take over,” said Nagel, who has already spoken to his heir about the idea. Very importantly, the two of them discussed the need for a new title.
“You can be the Ejaculator,” Nagel told his son. “Not the Sperminator.”
There can be only one.
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Source: New York Post
Feature image: MySpace
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