Questionable Pet Owner Saved His Tortoise’s Life By Giving Him Mouth-To-Mouth For An Hour

In news totally unrelated to me finding out that tortoises can’t actually swim or breathe underwater, it turns out that one rather creepy looking fellow was able to save his tortoise’s life by performing the kiss of life… for an hour. 45-year-old tortoise Freda gave her owner, retired postman John Fletcher, a bit of a […]

Llama Squares Up To Shit-Hot Bear & Saves Family Of Ducks

Llamas are a volatile bunch. One minute they’re looking at you as if they’re the cutest little critter in the world, and the next they’ve spat in your face because they simply don’t give a flying fuck. One rather brave (or foolish) llama continued this trend by squaring up to a full-grown grizzly bear in […]

White Nationalists Are Getting Awkward Results On Their Ancestry Tests

Genetic ancestry tests are cracking eggs onto the faces of white nationalists everywhere, as many of the self-proclaimed ‘purebreds’ are discovering that they’re not so ‘pure’ after all. In a study presented earlier this week, sociologists Aaron Panofsky and Joan Donovan discuss how a number of quasi-European racial extremists are being shunned and exiled by their […]

Escaped Tortoise Found 2 Weeks Later Just 140m From Zoo

Ah, tortoises, well known for their love of pizza and fighting crime, helping small fish find their son and most of all, their inability to move anywhere very quickly. It’s perhaps the latter that serves as the humble tortoise’s most notable quality, but it looks like our shell-endowed friends can add one more skill to […]

Melbourne Council Gives Australia Day Celebrations The Flick

A Melbourne council has made history overnight by becoming the first in the nation to shun Australia Day celebrations. Yarra City councillors unanimously voted that the so-called ‘invasion day’ of January 26 should no longer be referred to as Australia Day. As of next year, out of respect for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, […]