Weed’s having a bit of a moment right now, isn’t it? Mary jane’s the talk of the town. And if early indications are anything to go by, it looks like the whole town’s going to be toking on it before too long. Which is a problem for highway patrol. Namely, because it means hordes of […]
There’s a theory in anthropology known as the ‘drunk monkey hypothesis‘. It essentially posits that alcoholic apes – those who had a predilection for getting fuckeyed on naturally-occurring ethanol – were favoured by natural selection, insofar as their alcoholism heightened their appetite for fermented fruit and increased their intake of calories. On this model, we […]
Valentine’s is a farce. The so-called ‘day of love’ is little more than a Hallmark-sponsored holiday, when you wrap all your feelings up into a handful of cliched horcruxes and give them to your spouse with the hope of receiving oral sex. That is, more or less, the layman’s definition. But since giving presents and […]
If you stacked up everything that was good about golf next to everything that was laborious, tedious and downright unpleasant, you’d have a good argument for never going near a nine iron again. Golf is shit. And one of the many things that makes it shit is having to lug a sack of metal poles […]
Rule #34 of the internet states that: “If it exists, there is porn of it – no exception.” It’s a law that’s been proven right time after god-awful time, and one that has serious, far-reaching implications. Because many things exist. Many, many things that should never be made into porn for reasons that we really […]
Hoeing into a tandoori chicken and getting a mouthful of poorly cooked meat fucking sucks – no argument. But it’s not the worst thing in the world. Copping a handful of chilli powder straight to the peepers, on the other hand, may well be. Just ask David Evans, a customer at The Prince of Bengal […]
Pre-adolescence is a formative period in one’s life. It really shapes a person, you know? Things stay with you. Like, I remember when I was a boy we watched ‘Beethoven’. The film with the dog whose name is Beethoven. The dog doesn’t speak or engage in any tomfoolery, really. He just exists – your run-of-the-mill […]
If you’ve ever been to Asia, there’s a good chance you’ll have acquainted yourself with the bidet. The bum gun. The super soaker for your sphincter. For the unacquainted, the humble bidet is defined by Wikipedia as “a plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the genitalia… inner buttocks, and anus of the human body.” And while the sensation of water jets shooting […]
Just over 40 years ago, NASA produced a pair of phonographic records, strapped them to rockets and fired them into space. Contained on these ‘Voyager Golden Records’ was an eclectic collection of sounds, songs and images intended to portray the diversity of life on Earth. And the idea, more or less, was that intergalactic aliens […]
