In news that would absolutely crush and simultaneously terrify eight-year-old me, it turns out that the actor that played Barney the Dinosaur is now working as a tantric sex therapist.
And just like that, my childhood has been destroyed.
In an interview with Vice, American actor David Joyner, 52, recalls how his experience playing a lovable dinosaur on a TV show has helped him forge a career that helps people achieve sexual enlightenment.
“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love,” Joyner said. “Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love.”
Unsurprisingly, old mate only accepts female clients and charges $350 for a four-hour session, which includes a ritual bath, chakra balancing, a massage… and some earth-shattering orgasms.
Joyner reckons that the best way to achieve a blissful state is through unprotected penetrative sex, so pretty much just what the doctor ordered. He reckons that condoms block “the energy” and honestly, who am I to argue with such a qualified professional.
The foundation of all our existence? LOVE!
Live it, Breathe it, Speak it, Stand on it, Share it!
I Love You, You Love Me… We’re A Spiritual Family!!! pic.twitter.com/TIcTa6CQpb
— David Joyner (@djoyner22) January 7, 2018
Even better, Joyner asks his clients to sign a consent form and declare that they are free from STD’s before their sessions. One former client told Vice that her sessions were like a spiritual awakening.
You don’t need to have your chakras aligned to see that this guy is full of shit. Charging gullible people $350 for 4 hours of unprotected, penetrative sex is not the work of a spiritual guru.
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