Science can be a fucking buzzkill. Feels good? Is bad. That seems to be the teaching of the modern-day scientist, who won’t miss a single opportunity to remind you that if Facebook, Netflix and chill doesn’t somehow kill you, that silly syrup you’ve been imbibing every weekend certainly will.
Thankfully, health and lifestyle journal Medical Daily has stepped forward to reassure us all– like that omniscient, thirty-year old cousin who just sold you flakka out of the back of his hatchback– that this whole ‘healthy living’ thing ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. For starters, sinking a few frothies down at the pub will not, in fact, turn your kidneys to pink matter. A new study has shown that social boozing could improve your long-term quality of life.
“The study found that people who regularly visit a specific bar tend to feel more socially engaged and contented, and are more likely to trust other members of their community,” says Medical Daily, confirming the belief that three or four beers do in fact make you a better citizen. What’s more, “our social networks provide us with the single most important buffer against mental and physical illness”– meaning, if in a somewhat roundabout way, that being the local mad dog every punter wants to have a schooey with is good for both your mental and physical health.
And the good news doesn’t end there, either. Partial to a siesta or two? Go for it– Cousin MD knows a guy who says napping improves brain function. A recent survey of some 3,000 Chinese geriatrics showed that “Those who napped for a moderate amount of time after lunch — most of them for close to 60 minutes — showed “better overall cognition” as compared to… people who didn’t nap.”
Don’t much care for making your bed? Leave it in disarray– scientists at Kingston University found that this is a good way to keep mites away. A messy workspace favours creativity, according to a study by the University of Minnesota, while experts at San Diego State University suggest that unpunctual people are usually more optimistic.
What does all this mean, you ask? Basically, that anyone who calls you a slob, slug, shit kicker, dead shit or lazy piece of useless shit for having a few bevvies, chucking a post-lunch kip in your unmade bed and arriving late to a meeting can stick it up their arse. Science has spoken, and for once it doesn’t sound so bloody grim.
In the end, deadshittery may just be the key to staying alive.
Feature Image: CBS/How I Met Your Mother
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