In News That Will Shock No One, Sydney Residents Use Way More Coke Than The Rest Of Australia

Do me a favour, close your eyes and picture the typical Sydneysider in your head. They’re probably super tanned from lounging at Bondi all day, dressed in environmentally conscious yet somehow excessively priced clothing, and they’re also probably ducking into a bag of rack like that bird from The Simpsons.


At least, that’s the impression you’d get if you for some reason delved into Sydney’s waste water to see what drugs people are using to achieve enlightenment and destroy their bodies.

Which is exactly what the Australian Criminal Intelligence Commission in conjunction with The University of Queensland and The University of South Australia did. A wastewater report states that Australian’s spent a whopping $9.3 billion on illicit drugs in the year leading up to August 2018.

“It is astounding that Australians waste over $9.3 billion a year on drugs,” ACIC chief executive officer Michael Phelan said in a statement. 
“This is money people could be spending on legitimate goods for themselves and their families.”

Interestingly enough, it looks like those in regional areas are chomping into way more drugs than those living in cities, presumably because there is sweet fuck all to do in a country town besides get out of your mind munted on a daily basis.

Although Sydney seems to be the exception, with an almost ungodly amount of coke shooting up the nasal passages of Sydneysiders. For every 1000 people, 1.2 grams of nose beers are consumed daily in Sydney, compared to the minuscule amount of 400mg from Brisbane and Melbourne.

It also appears that MDMA usage is on the decline around the country at around 7.1%, which is quite a big deal for a country who’s known around the world as pinga enthusiasts.

It’ll be interesting to see our drug usage changes as a collective nation, perhaps next year we’ll all dive into psychedelics and the world would become a much nicer place to live.


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