Alright, here we go. 2018 everyone. Save the date, prepare the space cakes and start bulk batching the Cottees, because the aliens are coming and they’ll be here next year.
How do we know this? Because a shitfaced time traveller told us.
27-year-old Bryant Johnson was arrested for public intoxication in Casper, Wyoming earlier this week. Johnson explained to police that he’d come from the year 2048 to warn the residents of Casper about an impending alien arrival, and stated that he’d like to speak to the president of the town.
Why Johnson waited 30 years to come back and give us the heads up is not entirely clear, although he did clarify that he was only able to travel through time because the aliens filled his body with alcohol. DeLoreans be damned: it looks like the secret to time travel is tequila.
Johnson also noted that he was supposed to be transported to the year 2018, but apparently the aliens botched it.
I want to go on the record here as saying that I, for one, am open to the possibility that time-travelling Bryant is telling the truth. Sure, he’s probably not the first pisshead to wax lyrical about aliens and time travel and all that etcetera. But just look at those eyes, and those sideburns, and that fucking goatee. This guy means business, that much is clear.
And I don’t want to be on the wrong side of history when the aliens arrive, Don Julio in hand, to prove him right.
Source: The Independent
Feature image: me.me
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