It’s A Child’s Name, Not Your Time To Shine

Generation Wyzdom!

No, that’s not a misprint; Wyzdom in this case is a proper noun, the name of a child born of parents from generation X or Y who have no idea what true wisdom is. Naming a child Wyzdom is not the knowledge of what is true or right, it is not sagacity – it is the very antithesis of wisdom – it is just plain stupid.

There is an epidemic of schoolteachers scratching their heads reading roll calls, of adults bursting into uncontrollable laughter when new found friends introduce their little darlings, Ocean, Reef, and Ace. The overpowering laughter is not malicious, it is not directed at poor Wave or Sand, but at the dim-witted parents who think it will be ‘cool’ to name their children after beach-related nouns.

But far from this being the worst of the symptoms being displayed by numbskull parents, the epidemic has an even more egregious element to its campaign of crap names. You see, the worst atrocities of this nomenclatural plague are not the appropriation of nouns for proper nouns, but the unforgivable misspelling of traditional names to make them what? Edgy? Hip? The end result is a Georgia spelled Jorja, a complete bastardisation of a beautiful name. If you are this child’s parents I have one simple question for you; what were you thinking? Are you illiterate and therefore incapable of spelling Georgia, so you decided to sound it out and write down what you came up with? Or did your latte-fuelled high kick into overdrive after brunch one day and you decided it was a good idea to name your child Jorja? Abomination! Aberration! Unclean!

Look, I get it, okay? The naming of one’s child is a deeply personal thing, but here is something that parents should be aware of; your child is stuck with that preposterous name for life. A name can be changed, sure, but not for a long time. It’s not like dropping out of a University course or quitting a job at Maccas; naming your child is a big deal, so take the time and think it through, talk about it with other people who will point out the many mistakes you are making by naming your child after a samurai sword or a brand of vacuum cleaner.

If in doubt go classic and choose a name that already exists; not Apple or Seven. Curb your enthusiasm for edgy and take a cool head to the registry; your child will thank you for it.
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Words by Liam Kinkead. Photo by Hachemi.

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