How To Tell Someone They Stink

  Words by Tahlia Svingos If I stank, I’d want someone to tell me. I’m not talking about a light end-of-day musk, or an I spent way too much time on the dance floor kinda scent. I’m talking about the kind of room-filling, foul odor that seeps from someone’s body almost every time you see […]

You Know What Grinds My Gears? ‘Cash Only’

Cash is dead. Unless you’re a hitman, a drug dealer, or a brothel creeper with a shared savings account, bank notes these days are about as handy as tits on a proverbial bull. The kind of proverbial bull that has no interest whatsoever in looking sexy, mind you. That is to say: not very handy. […]

Is It Wrong To Eat Octopus?

Gwyneth Paltrow, the she-wolf who ripped out the bleeding heart of all-round gentle weeper Chris Martin, is certainly no moral exemplar. Like, she named her kid Apple– possibly after the fruit but also probably almost definitely after the tyrannical super-corporation that controls the modern world. She also called lube “toxic” and thus forced thousands of […]

You Know What Grinds My Gears? Smoke Breaks

For five years of my life that felt like ten years of my life, I worked in pubs and bars. I am not without my grievances. I mean, if you take the shitty hours, the shittier patrons and the body clock of an over-caffeinated bat then what you have there is a bitter, God-awful cocktail. […]

How To Fend Off A Quarter-Life Crisis

I had my first ageing-related crisis when I was nine. This was because I believed in animal reincarnation right up until my mum hit me with the hard facts, shortly after my ninth birthday (she was as shocked as I was–we are not religious, and definitely not Hindus). Some people say they lost their childhood […]

How To Deal With Your Bruss Boyfriend

Yeah, I’m dating a bruss. One of those guys who says things like ‘macros’ and does ‘meal prep’ and probably jabs a needle into his ass cheek when I’m not around so he can get ‘extra jacked’. My bruss is pretty hard on the outside, relatively soft on the inside, but pretty thick wherever you […]