Pilot Congratulates Passengers on Sinking All the Piss On Board

It’s safe to say that the air plane is one of mankind’s most remarkable achievements, the fact that we successfully managed to launch a gigantic hunk of metal through the air and have people PAY for it is truly a testament to human ingenuity. You know what’s also a testament to human ingenuity? Alcohol. So when the two were able to combine, it produced a sense of pride for the human race that’s rarely been seen before… and a lot of people getting absolutely legless while soaring through the sky.

While enjoying a few casual bevvies on your annual Christmas pilgrimage to Melbourne is no huge feat, passengers on a Southwest Airlines flight managed to take their festive alcoholism to a new level. The flight from Oakland, California to Kansas City, Missouri saw travellers sink the ENTIRE supply of alcohol in only 3 hours and 20 minutes. According to sports journalist Jimmy Durkin, the astonishing feat even caught the pilot’s attention, who took to the PA to personally congratulate his passengers.

The flight primarily consisted of Raider’s fans, an American Football team whose emblem resonates strongly with those from California and teenagers who like to hang outside Hungry Jacks at shopping centres. Apparently, the monumental alcohol consumption didn’t even lead to any bad behaviour; Durkin reckons that his fellow fliers weren’t “Particularly rowdy,” and that the whole situation was “Pretty standard fare for a flight to a city where the Raiders are playing.”

While we should congratulate our American friends on their ability to sip a few Bud Lights, I think it’s time to show them what Australian’s do best: sinking an unbelievable amount of piss rather quickly. Grab your mates, bring a slab through security for pres and let’s drink our planes dry!


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