People Are Taping Their Dicks Shut Instead Of Wearing Condoms

Condoms are a buzzkill.

Nothing throws water on the flames of lust like hitting pause, digging a jimmy out of your wallet and spending a good half minute doubled over, trying to strap on the clinical prophylactic sheath with all the careful, clammy-handed urgency of a bomb technician.

No, I’m with the Pope on this one: condoms are simply no good. If only there was something else a fella could do to protect against those pesky unwanted pregnancies…

What’s that you say? Tape your dick-hole shut? Well sure, I bet we all wish it was that simple – but does it actually work?

No, almost definitely not. But let’s take a look at what we’ve got here.

Jiftip is here to make you “Fall in love with sex all over again”. Which is what we all need to start doing. In layman’s terms, yes, it is tape for your dick-hole. But that brave bit of tape promises to solve all your blow woes with ease.

How? First and foremost, by preventing any pre-cum from entering your partner. Because as any paranoid teen with access to a keyboard already knows, PRE-CUM CAN AND WILL GET YOU PREGNANT.

Then it’s just a simple matter of corking the ejaculation and ‘injaculating’ instead – or, as Jiftip charmingly puts it: “using [your urethra] as an indoor cum-tainer.”

If that does in fact sound truly horrible to you, then Jiftip has some helpful advice:

“Average ejaculations are less than a spoonful, 4-6ml, with 12ml geysers also possible. The expansion capacity of the male urethra is quite amazing.

“Want to measure your capacity? Try this test at home. 1-Holding the tip closed, pee until the urethra is totally full. 2-Drain into a measuring container, then compare with your ejaculate volume.”

So far so bad. The self-proclaimed “penius geniueses” at Jiftip also field a few other FAQ’s on their website, and the answers are less than convincing:

Does it hurt to remove?
“Of course it hurts. And you’ll love every second.”

What about herpes and HSV?
“NO! Are you kidding?… if a condom can’t keep you safe from Herpes or HSV, how can a tiny tip shield help?”

Is it gay-friendly?
“What if it’s gay-perfect? How can you know? How can anyone know, until they try?”

How indeed.

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Source and images: Jiftip
Feature image: The Rock

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