Oh yes, we all love a good bit of drunken tomfoolery don’t we. We all love to lampoon our fuckeyed friends with some hilarious high jinks and horseplay. Someone passed out at the party? Oh my God, what if we drew an ejaculating penis on their forehead? What if we shaved their eyebrows? What if – just what if – we took a live giant eel and we put that eel in their bum haha. Wouldn’t that be grouse!
As it turns out, taking a live, very slippery and very excitable creature of the deep and inserting it into a drunken man’s anus is anything but grouse. Especially when Creature Of The Deep loses its shit and slithers up into Drunken Man’s innards. This literally happened. I’m sorry to have to tell you that. I feel very very uncomfortable about this whole thing.
The man remains unnamed, presumably so potential employers don’t Google him and discover he’s ‘that eel-butt guy’. But we do know a few things. We know that he’s in his 40’s. That he rocked up to the Nanchang University hospital, in eastern China, blind drunk and unwilling to reveal how the eel had found its way up inside him. And we know that doctors were forced to surgically remove the creature from his fucking abdomen, where it was apparently causing a serious obstruction.
This video may give you an anxiety attack:
Eel-butt guy is currently recovering in hospital. The eel is very likely suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. For the past fifteen minutes I’ve felt something squirming in my guts and it won’t go away.
Happy Monday everyone.
Feature image: The Mary Sue
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