I’d hate to be attacked by an animal. Like, any animal. An ill-tempered sea bass could rush me and I wouldn’t know the first thing about how to handle the situation.
I certainly wouldn’t have the clarity of mind to realise, for example, that the correct method for fending off a black bear is to stand your ground and make a racket. That the most effective defence against a great white shark is to reach into its open jaws, pull out its heart and hold it up to the animal’s face (citation needed). Or that the quickest way to tell a gator to fuck off is to give it the two-fingered salute up the snout.
This last one I learned not from Steve Irwin, nor Bear Gryllz, but from a 10-year-old girl who did that very thing over the weekend and lived to tell the tale.
Juliana Ossa was sitting in knee-deep water at a lake in Orlando, Florida on Saturday when an audacious bloody three meter alligator snuck over and chomped on her leg. After trying what I had presumed would be the recommended defence – that is, giving the animal’s noggin a floggin’ – Juliana remembered a little trick that she’d learned at a horrible magical place called Gatorland.
“I tried hitting it to, like, release me, but it didn’t work” said the girl in an interview with Inside Edition. “So I put my two fingers up its nostrils – it couldn’t breathe so it had to breathe from its mouth – it opened it’s mouth and it let my leg out.
“He [the alligator] didn’t have any attack moves to take out my fingers.”
Juliana received more than a dozen stitches for the lacerations and puncture wounds on her leg, and deserves a sticker for fighting off a full-grown reptile in a relatively peaceful manner. The alligator was later euthanised, but that’s probably just because humans are shit.
Source: NBC News
Feature image: BBC
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