Many of my most fundamental life lessons I’ve taken from television over the years. Carrie Bradshaw taught me the importance of overanalysing the motives behind every man’s every action. Barney Stinson taught me the importance of under-analysing them. Ross and Rachel taught me the importance of making the terms of a ‘break’ crystal clear. And don’t even get me started on the knowledge bombs Modern Family’s Phil Dunphy has dropped on me.
Armed with this knowledge of where I get my knowledge, when faced with the dilemma of say, studying for looming exams or alternatively re-watching all three seasons of Game of Thrones, I need only reflect on the earth-shattering lessons acquired in my hours of viewing, and I have my answer.
So without further ado; My Game of Thrones Life Lessons
Incest is definitely not win-cest
Strong start. Definitely one of life’s primary learning objectives if you ask me. However before people start to wonder, I should probably clarify that I did have that one instilled in me quite young. As such, I saw fit to apply this lesson in a looser sense. At more than one point I have found myself in friendship groups where even my dear mother, who I sincerely hope didn’t know half of what was going on, described my peers as incestuous. If you find yourself in a situation where you’re hooking up with Polly, who’s hooking up with Timmy, who’s hooking up with Molly, who’s hooking up with Jimmy, who used to hook up with Polly- get out, before you’re forced to push the child of friendship from the tower of lust.
Fair girls can totally rock dark eyebrows
That which was suggested by Billie Piper all those years ago is finally confirmed beyond question by MILF, Cersei and MODILF, Daenarys. Make like Cara Delevingne and get around this look.
If you screw a bitch over, their party may get messy…
I don’t care what the nature of your offence was, from snubbing their daughter, to stealing their boyfriend, to screen-shotting that compromising snapchat. No matter how sweet the invitation, just know: go to their party and you may live to regret it. Or not live at all.
Gingers are all soulless witches who birth demons from their lady parts
Not really much more I can say to elaborate on that one, suffice to say that Red Woman scares me. And Sansa Stark, I’m watching you.
Women can do anything men can do
I’m personally of the opinion that Lady Knight Brienne of Tarth is one of the strongest feminist portrayals of our time, clearly demonstrating that women are the justified equals of men in all things. Provided they’re about six foot four, muscle-bound and remarkably handy with a sword. Sacrificing the main vestiges of femininity doesn’t hurt either.
Don’t get emotionally attached to Sean Bean, or indeed anyone. Ever.
Game of Thrones drove home that which The Lord of the Rings tried so hard to teach me in my youth; Sean Bean is not a person one wants to grow attached to, however hardy he may appear. And when I say Sean Bean, I’m also including anyone who resembles Sean Bean. Resembles, as in, also has generic human features and a bipedal body structure.
Prostitution may not be as fun as years of watching Pretty Woman led me to believe…
Again, there’s not really a lot more to add to that point, suffice it to say Julia Roberts somehow managed to skate through life avoiding all the baby slaughtering, death and violence that appears to be inherent in the industry.
On that note, it is perhaps suggested that I should hit the books, lest my future take a turn for the worse. But what do we say to studying? Not today.
Written by Georgia Hick.
If you have a story that you'd like to share, please submit it here.