How to start loving yourself

I WISH I COULD RUN ACROSS A BEACH INTO MY OWN ARMS

– A real quote by Kanye

If you haven’t already guessed by my mention of the Lord of self-love — Kanye West, I’m here to talk about Self Love and why you should get on that bandwagon — quick smart.

Are you already there? Have you ever even considered it?

I’m not condoning Kanye West’s egotistical, self-absorbed love of himself, like thinking you’re ‘God on earth’ (he actually said that) BUT I’d rather you loved yourself too much than not at all. Hopefully you come out somewhere in between — quietly confident, and humble.

I’ve found, in my experience, that the majority of people actually struggle to find even an IOTA of self-love for themselves — they scrape the very bottom of the barrel like: Oh yeah — found a smidge of love down here for me — let alone think along Kanye’s lines of: “How could you be me and want to be someone else?”

I’ll tell you what the dictionary — a relatively reliable source — says that self-love is, it’s having: “REGARD FOR ONES OWN WELLBEING AND HAPPINESS”.

See how it says: “Regard for one’s own…” That means it’s not anyone else’s responsibility but your own, so it also means NOT giving your heart to someone else and going: “Here this is your job.”

I’m kind of bored of relying on other people for important things like your entire self worth. I did it for the first 22 years of my life and it didn’t get me far.

You’re your own problem; people have their own shit to deal with let alone putting the required time and effort into you and yours. So just pause for a second and take back the reins on this one. Its for your own good — you deserve to love yourself as much as Kanye loves Kanye and I do, kinda, wish that for all of you reading this.

Lesson 1: Please immediately shift your priorities around so that your relationship with you is numero uno (1 mate)

For me, a lot of my self-love woes (or lack thereof) stemmed from being bullied as a child and copping years of rejection in the modelling industry as a teenager… and maybe growing up ‘wog’ with a Greek family and always feeling a little different. Now that I’m older that “Nup, not good enough” expressed itself through my mind (Nance) and what it said to me.

Yep, I’ve named my mind, whatofit.

Have you noticed how it’s always too willing to supply you with an infinite list of why you aren’t good enough and just sorta skims over or totally IGNORES what you should love about yourself?

Like its quietly whispering the good things in your head — hoping that you don’t hear them — and screaming your downfalls throughout your subconscious. On repeat?

When’s the last time you thought to yourself: “Fck I’m ace-ing my job lately” or “I’m liking what my hair is doing today. I look good

**crickets.

Nup, just the usual negative self-talk then?

“You look tired mate, those bags under your eyes have like permanently moved in haven’t they?”

Yeah, I used to feel like that.

If you feed that voice by listening to it and giving it your attention, you are giving the negativity more ammunition.You’re putting out to the universe that that’s what you’re focusing on and therefore “you must want more of” so you are presented with more.

You know: “What you think you attract what you imagine you create” (said Buddha, who knows his shit).

Say some nice things to yourself once in a while. Miranda Kirr says to herself: “I am perfect in all that I am and all that I am not. Nothing external to me determines my-self worth. I am happy and content being me.”

It’s growing on me.

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The mind runs because you are giving it the power of your attention. Withdraw your attention and the thinking, chattering mind will start to fall away.

Lesson 2: Get control of your negative mind chatter (its not very self-loving)

Granted, its easier said than done.

You could start by practicing on the small things that happen in your day — like being snubbed when you say hello to someone you know on the street. Watch your mind have a field day on that one.

Instead, give that person the benefit of the doubt (in your head). Maybe he’s blind as a bat and, to him, your face was all a blur. Maybe he just ate Indian food and he’s feeling self conscious about his garlic breath?

When you love yourself you are confident, you know your worth, you attract what you desire into your life, you feel complete and happy on your own, you realize your body is your temple and you treat it that way. You treat yourself and others with kindness.

You are the most important person in your life.

Or are you still thinking maybe your dog is more important? Or your partner, or your partner’s dog?

Of course, its all warm and fuzzy feels to have a partner who also loves you — like Kanye loves Kanye — and to remind you of all the lovely things about yourself, when you’ve forgotten, but try not to rely on that person as your only source of validation & love.

My man-friend from time to time, goes off on boys trips with his mates –they’ve done America, and just recently got back from Europe together. Occasionally I go off and do my own thing too.

Sometimes (although I’m in a long term relationship) I’ve had to just be okay with being on my own.

The first time he went away (2 years ago)  I realised I had virtually no relationship with myself & didn’t really love myself – so you can imagine the rude shock I got when I was left alone, twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to return, like: GET BACK HERE, HAPPINESS.

Be a team — but don’t smother each other. Let the other explore their independence. Being left alone became a blessing in disguise, it forced me to learn to rely on myself more and build that relationship with myself.

Lesson 3: Make sure you make yourself (and timeout to yourself) a priority

Drink wine, eat squishy cheese and watch trashy movies, take yourself to nice places  – pleasure yourself.

You’re always with yourself, so you may as well enjoy the company.

(Published elsewhere by author)

 

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