Myth Busting The Common Arguments Against Gay Marriage

The Irish have gone ahead and done it. Shorty (that’s Bill Shorten, not to be mistaken for ‘shawty’ – a hot young lady type person) has proposed a bill that we allow it too. We’re talking legalising same sex marriage for those of you under a rock.

Most of us are just here wondering why it has taken so damn long. The answer? Some fairly vocal, angry people. Let’s take a tour through popular arguments against same sex marriage (we mean marriage between two people of the same gender, not marriage where people have the same sex over and over, like this guy) and find out if their arguments are any good.

THE BIBLE SAYS IT AIN’T OK

Ah the bible. Think of the bible like your Year 12 set texts. Something oft quoted and rarely read properly, if at all. Did that stop you from writing essays on it like a boss? No, of course not. The same can be said about loads of religious people and the bible. Clearly they haven’t read it or they’d be stoning adulterers, throwing out poly-blend fabrics and sacrificing sheep. However, people often say the bible is against gay marriage and therefore they don’t believe it should be allowed.

Everyone can have their own interpretation of their religion and their religious texts. However, as we all know, the bible and the law aren’t the same. We don’t and can’t legislate simply based on the Bible. If your argument is the bible says no, the state’s answer should be we don’t care.

SLIPPERY SLOPE

Ah, the ole slippery slope. This one is a good one because it allows wild conjecture to be an argument. The slippery slope concept is one that likens political decisions to lubing up your local slide, getting on, and seeing where it takes you. The problem with the slippery slope is that you’re basically saying there is a tube somewhere that leads from people who are in love marrying, all the way to people who want to have sex with a tree being allowed to marry (although really, if it’s their tree –what’s the harm?).

However, it’s also not true. 14 countries thus far have legalised same sex marriage. In none is it OK to marry a dog. Unless of course you mean a shit guy or gal. That’s legal everywhere.

There is however, another kind of slippery slope. It’s kind of like when people were worried about letting people of different races catch the bus together. WHAT NEW HELL WOULD THEY ALLOW NEXT? Sometimes slippery slopes are a good thing. Sometimes a synonym for slippery slope is PROGRESS.

If same sex marriage leads to polygamy being allowed too, who cares? If people are consenting adults and in love, there are far worse things they could be doing than getting married.

SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE

Ah the sanctity of marriage. We all look at marriage and think yes, what a hallowed form. We certainly don’t ridicule it on every sitcom ever, allow divorce, or cheat on our partners. Oh wait, we do. We don’t make shows like Married at first Sight where people who don’t even know each other shack up. That’s because marriage is sacred.

The definition of marriage, people say, is between a man and a woman. Now, this is kind of like people who say the death penalty is OK, because it’s the law. I think they missed the class where we learned that the law is made up, not handed down to us from above. Definitions too: we made ‘em all up. I’m sorry. Humans do that. In fact, dictionary.com says “marriage has never had just one meaning”.

In history, multiple wives were allowed in the Bible. Interracial marriage was once not allowed in the US. In fact, such laws were not changed until 1967. Divorce was once far more difficult. So yes, like Santa and the Easter Bunny, definitions and even dictionaries were made up. If you don’t mind arguing using made-up things for support, why don’t you try crossing the ocean in an imaginary boat? You’ll sink, but we won’t miss you.

I DON’T LIKE IT

Hell, I don’t like Oreos. Smite me down and force them down my throat. People don’t like all kinds of things. Get over it. Other people like it. It will not affect your marriage if other people get married too. Just as your marriage (if you are married) was not affected when Britney married K Fed. Unless you fought about it and broke up. Your marriage was not affected when Kim K married Kris Humphries, unless you caught your spouse watching that Kim K sex tape again. Your marriage was not affected when some random down the street married some other random down the street. Did you interview them to check you approved? Did you make sure that you liked both parties? That they’d have a marriage just like yours? Guess what, they probably don’t want a marriage like yours. You’re uptight and you don’t let other people do things you don’t like.

THINK OF THE KIDS

Oh the kids. We use kids to make people feel bad about all kinds of stuff.

The poor kids, how will they possibly cope if they have two dads or two mums? They’ll have their lives destroyed, they’ll be bullied at school (probably by your kids, actually).

I think we should take away kids then, from single mothers, widowed fathers, people who go to work and don’t stay home with their kids like we think they should, people who don’t go to work and leave their kids with lazy ass role models, people who don’t parent how we do, people who buy their kids only fruit and never any lollies, people who only buy their kids lollies. People who are different to us or different to how their kids might turn out to be.

Two loving parents, or one loving parent, or a loving grandma, or anybody really, who loves them and supports them: That’s what kids need.

But since you’re in the business of worrying about the kids, lets also, please, think about the kids who are gay themselves. As Bill Shorten raised in his address to parliament, a same-sex attracted young person is 6 times more likely to commit suicide than a heterosexual young person.

Marriage equality isn’t going to solve all these issues, but it will help.
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Words by Naomi Russo.

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