Never Stop Sledging, Australia

There are a lot of different games played across this sunburnt country of ours: cricket, basketball, badminton, beer pong, the list goes on. But in all of these and the many more, different and varied activities across the nation, one thing remains constant. Giving each other shit. Win, lose or draw, Australians love pulling the piss out of each other, on and off the field. It’s more than a tactic, it’s a way of life. It’s bloody cultural heritage.

In the last few years, Australians have become significantly more sensitive to the rights and customs of other cultures (and rightly so). Everyone has a right to enjoy their cultural heritage, whether that’s praying a few times a day, waking up to a kale milkshake, not eating meat on Fridays or always spinning goon of fortune anti-clockwise. What ever you need to do to feel like you are included in your cultural past and present. But in all this acceptance and back-slapping, something has gone awry. The time has come for us to stand up for our cultural right to sledge fuckers.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Australia won the Cricket World Cup last night. More to the point, we beat New Zealand silly, to become world champs for the fifth time. But if you opened a news paper today, the vast majority of the coverage has centred around the Australian players- specifically the wicket-keeper Brad Haddin- and his vocal send off’s for a couple of the New Zealand batsmen.

Now, if we cant sledge the Kiwi’s in a cricket final, who can we sledge? Lets not deny who we are. It’s actually a sign of respect. Yeah, you read that right. The fact is the Aussie players have so much respect for their opponents, they know that skill alone might not be enough to win the game, so maybe hanging shit on them here and there might provide the difference between winning and losing.

What oppositions really should be worried about, is if we were nice to them. Then shit is either about to get real, or they are so piss poor they aren’t worth sledging.

And this doesn’t just stop at cricket. If you’re walking along the beach, and go to throw your rubbish, basketball style, into a distant bin and miss, your friends are morally obligated to break your balls. If you fall down a set of stairs and avoid breaking any bones, but do seriously dent your pride, your mates are culturally obligated to let you know about your stupidity.

Sure, there is a definite line in the sand. You don’t say anything personally offensive, you don’t say anything culturally offensive, questions about sexual orientation, religion, gender and family have no place in modern sledging. But to simply stay silent, while your opponent makes a complete dick of themselves or worse, snatches victory out of your hands, is un-Australian.

So here’s our little piece of advice. Go to the Facebook or Instagram page of your closest Kiwi friends and just let them know. Just give ’em a little reminder of the game of cricket. It’s your little way of saying “Hey mate, you’re a bloody good person and I respect you enough to take the piss out of you”

Go forth fellow sledgers! Stand up for your right, to hilariously show your admiration for your opponents!
Written by Patrick Cullen.


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