My girlfriend and I have been in a poly relationship for the last six months or so. We started that way.
This is our first serious poly relationship for the both of us, and while much of it has been new and hard to figure out, it’s also been exciting and full of possibilities.
We’ve had to navigate how we can both feel comfortable with each other being with other people (“Wear a condom,” “Don’t hook up with my friends,” “I’d like for the other person to know the nature of our relationship before you sleep with them”). We’ve both been with other people since we started dating, sometimes well and sometimes to disastrous effect, but have taken each moment as an opportunity to communicate, learn about ourselves, and make our relationship even stronger.
But this post isn’t about that, this is the story of a sex party.
I don’t remember who brought it up first, probably me, but Ava liked the idea, apparently, because the very next day I had an email in my inbox from her. It linked to a Maxim magazine article promising an “Inside Look Into One Of New York’s Hottest Sex Parties.” She was also listening to a podcast on it.
It took a few months for the timing to actually work out, and we settled on one called Chemistry that we both seemed to like. It had good reviews, was somewhat exclusive (you had to apply to get in), and couples were supposed to be quite young and attractive. No single men allowed.
We took a look at the questionnaire and filled it out together. It contained pretty basic questions like “How would you describe your personality?” but also “What is your philosophy on sex? What role does sexuality play in your life?” I’d never thought so much about the role of sex in my life.
You also had to attach a g-rated photo of the two of you together.
And we were nervous after we filled out and sent in the application. Like “What if they reject us because we’re not attractive enough?”
“That would suck.”
A few days after we sent in our application we got an email letting us know we were approved, and it included a set of 15 rules that made us feel more comfortable. The highlights include: no recording devices, no touch or anything psychical without a clear verbal “yes” and men aren’t allowed in the play space unaccompanied.
Their next event was summer themed. Participants were encouraged to wear bathing suits, or summer wear. As the days led up to it, we got more and more excited.
The Monday before (it was on a Friday), we had our first conversation about expectations. Or, at least, what we thought a conversation about expectations was supposed to look like.
Ava and I are both good communicators, which is what makes the poly relationship work, but we found that it was hard to really know what you would or wouldn’t be comfortable with ahead of time.
“What are your boundaries?”
“I don’t know.”
Still we pushed on.
We tried to imagine situations in which either one of us was propositioned by a stranger. What if a guy asked Ava to fuck? What if a girl asked me? What if we were talking to a couple and they wanted to have a foursome? How could one of us tell the other one if we weren’t interested without hurting the other couples’ feelings?
Ava pointed out that there was a certain bias to our hypothetical situations — they all assumed that other people would just come to us instead of the other way around. Interesting.
We ended up deciding that we were both open to the idea of having sex with other people.
Over the course of the next few days we developed one or two other boundaries.
“I’ve decided,” Ava said one morning making tea, “That I’d prefer if you didn’t come with another person. I want you to save yourself for me.”
“Okay.”
We found that it was hard to define boundaries around something that we knew so little about. What could actually happen? So we went to a pre-event to help us figure it out.
It was a Chemistry pre-event called Foreplay (hah, clever) on that Wednesday night before the big party on Friday. The idea was to meet and get comfortable with some of the other people who might be attending. Ava and I ran around like giddy children asking people, “What’s it like?”
A lot of the people we spoke to were in the poly community, which was also exciting because we didn’t really have any poly friends. We were just figuring it out as we went along.
At one point Ava grabbed me. “You have to talk to this couple! They’ve been in a poly relationship for the last two and a half years and the girl is really cute.” Let’s call them Bridget and Eric.
Eric told us about how Bridget was a little more comfortable with the jealousy issue than he was. He was casually dating a few other people but she had gotten more serious with a few of her boyfriends and one of them was going to be attending another party they were going to. They had just gotten into a fight about it earlier that night. She laughed it off but he still seemed kind of worried about it.
On the way out, Ava told me she wanted to get Bridget and Eric’s numbers so we could follow up with them later and maybe leave the event with a few friends (since they weren’t planning on being there Friday).
After giving Ava her number, Bridget asked her if she was into girls. Ava said yes. Then Bridget asked if she could kiss her.
And while I was incredibly turned on, I also felt a little uncomfortable. All of a sudden we’d been thrown into this new situation and it seemed like everything was happening really fast.
I felt like one of those awkward kids in middle school (aka me) hanging on the fringes of a social interaction, watching but not quite participating. I had to remind myself that my girlfriend was making out with another girl. This is every man’s dream. This is what I had wanted.
“I wonder which one of them started it,” I asked Eric, Bridget’s boyfriend.
“Probably Bridget.”
Outside Foreplay, Ava pressed me against the wall and made out with me. The whole situation had really turned her on as well.
We decided we were both really excited about the actual sex party.
Although there were only a few people that we were really into. “If we see that other guy from earlier,” Ava said about one of the solo guys we had met earlier in the night, “I don’t want to have sex with him.”
“That’s okay.”
Based on our experience at Foreplay, Ava and I came up with a few new boundaries. We decided we weren’t comfortable with either person leaving the other person’s vicinity, at least for this first party. No running away somewhere private with someone else.
We also decided that we didn’t want to fall into a mentality of judgment at an event like this. It’s too easy to find yourself thinking, “that couple isn’t attractive enough,” or “that person looks trashy,” and that’s personally not something I’m trying to invite into my life, because I think that by judging others, you make yourself more self-conscious as well.
We were, of course, worried about how we would be perceived at the party. Would they consider us attractive? Would anyone want to sleep with us? A lot of latent issues from awkward middle and high school years.
Ava’s biggest concern was finding herself in a situation that we didn’t want to be in, so we decided to pick a safe word. We ended up choosing a pretty common safe-word system, “red” for stop, “yellow” for proceed with caution, “green” for go. If either of us said “red” we would immediately stop what we were doing, step out of the situation, and establish safety.
Then there’s the issue of substances, which Ava and I addressed a bit. I was a little self-conscious about the issue of performance — meaning will I be able to stay hard the entire time?
In the past, there have been a few instances where I wasn’t able to get it up quickly enough, or keep it up, and I’ve found that worrying about this in the moment often made it worse.
I’d get in my own head. For me, sex and being in my own head is a bad combination.
I have a small stockpile of Viagra for just these sorts of moments, which I bought on the Dark Web. (Yes, it’s a real thing, and there are sites like eBay where you can buy any kind of drugs your heart desires. That’s usually where I get things like Molly, mushrooms, or even pot. And because it’s built on a strong rating system, you can be sure that the quality of what you’re getting is probably higher than what you’d get from your local friend or drug dealer.)
So I decide to bring half a Viagra pill with me, just in case. I tell Ava about this and she’s hesitant (there’s something unnatural about it), but she understands.
The day of, we both decide to bring a little bit of Molly that I have left over from another party as well. Not enough to really trip, but enough to make sure we’re having a good time in case we’re having a hard time getting into it. I look up typical Molly dosages online and measure out a light dose in advance for the both of us, which I then wrap in a small sheet of tinfoil and stick inside my coin pocket.
If we decide to take the Molly, I think, I’ll definitely be glad to have the Viagra, because Molly has interfered with my sexual performance in the past.
I want to have a good time, and something like that is the last thing I want to worry about in the moment.
Fast forward to Friday. As the day gets later, I’m sitting at work but I find it incredibly hard to focus. I’m getting nervous with excitement.
I check in with Ava through text. We’re both feeling pretty good because we’ve discussed so many scenarios in advance, even though we’re not sure if any of them will actually happen or not.
The email from them says that the secret location is a large warehouse space in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Ava and I hop on the subway together and as we get closer, I start wondering about each person I see, “Are they headed to the sex party?”
Ava points out a group dressed in summer attire (the sex party is summer themed), “I bet they’re going.” They’re holding towels and wearing tank tops.
Finally the entrance is in sight. It’s a super nondescript building, painted black, with a bouncer standing outside. My heart sinks as I see a couple walk in, they’re not that attractive.
At the door, the bouncer asks us what we’re here for. I want to say “A sex party,” but instead I say, “A Chemistry event.” He lets us in.
It’s only 10pm and we’ve been told the party doesn’t really get started until around midnight. It ends at 3am.
But there’s already a line starting to form for check-in.
Ava and I are carrying our bottle of wine. There’s no bar here, but the idea is that you bring your own bottle of whatever you prefer, give it to the bar (they put your name on it), and they serve you from your own bottle. It’s a pretty cool system.
This is nice because the tickets are $150 for a first-time couple (single women can attend for just $30, whereas single men are not allowed to attend at all).
Some of the people in line are carrying bottles of vodka or whiskey.
We’re hardly in line for a minute before two cute girls with tattoos walk in and stand in line after us. “Okay, that’s better,” I think.
Once we’ve checked in and dropped off our things in coat check. I give them my wallet so that I don’t lose it when my clothes come off, but I can’t stand the idea of not having my phone — weird. I rationalize this by telling myself that I need to be able to check the time as the night goes on, but I know that even though I plan to be literally naked, I feel metaphorically naked without my phone. I make a mental note of this interesting fact about myself as we walk into the main room.
The first thing I notice are two tents set up on either side of the room. There are pillows set down on the ground for people to sit on (one area has three or so couples sitting around a neon bottle for spin the bottle, but no one’s playing yet). Further still there’s a swing and a hammock set up, and a homemade twister board. At the end of the room is a DJ table and stage.
It’s quite a large room, could hold maybe two hundred people, but it’s pretty empty at the moment, so Ava and I drop off our wine at the bar and head to the swing to sit down and take everything in.
Oh yeah, and they have a full-sized inflated bouncy castle. Awesome.
There’s a lofted space above the main room with a set of wooden stairs to walk up. Two posted (laminated) signs say “Men must be accompanied at all times in the play space” and “Always practice safe sex.” We learn that the downstairs rooms are just for social stuff while the two upstairs areas are for “play” — aka sex, or whatever. We tell each other that we’ll explore those rooms later. It’s still a little early, and we don’t quite feel ready for it yet.
As the party livens up, and we get through our first glasses of wine, we decide to talk to people.
We see the two tattooed girls from when we were waiting in line and ask them about whether their summers were anything like this growing up. They end up being kind of boring and hard to hear over the music.
Ava points out a girl whose shorts she likes because her ass is peeking ever so slightly out the bottom. I say that she should go tell her, but Ava is still feeling a little shy so we decide against it. I hope we get looser and open up more as the night progresses (no pun intended).
While we’re looking around, I notice that in the lofted space above the dance floor — one of the play areas — there’s a woman, a pretty blond, giving a guy a blowjob. They’re going at it sideways like a diagram in an anatomy book, so you can see everything. Next to them there’s another couple fucking against the wooden railing, she’s looking over all of us on the dance floor below. Her tits are bouncing wildly back and forth and it’s kind of hard not to pay attention to as it passes in my periphery.
Which, as you can imagine, makes it hard to have a normal conversation.
It all serves to make you feel a little surreal and self-conscious. Should we be getting it on now? Is now the time to find potential partners? It’s all getting kind of real all of a sudden, which is exciting and also terrifying.
Ava and I decide to have fun and play some “3D” twister, which consists of dots on the ground and dots that you put all over your clothes so they count as spots people can use. Before I know it, I’m already tangled in a mess of people. A great big shirtless guy with a beard who looks like a friendly teddy bear is refereeing and yelling out colors. “Right hand red.” I win, which surprises me because Ava is a dancer.
Once we’ve all climbed out of the mess, Ava and I head over to play spin the bottle. A woman in an amazing blue bathing suit with the word “Dope” emblazoned on the front tells us the rules. “You have to introduce yourself before kissing.”
My first three spins all land on men. Fuck it, I’m open. The first guy doesn’t seem so open. He’s sitting next to his date and wearing all white, Hamptons-like attire. He says he’s never kissed a man before. I lean in to kiss him and he kind of like, puckers his lips.
After we kiss he says “Wow you really went for it,” and laughs, but I can’t help but think about the irony and double standard of the guy who probably had to convince his girlfriend to “open” up to the idea of going to a sex party, being so closed off about the idea of kissing another man in a game of spin the bottle.
On my next turn the bottle lands on another guy and he kisses me on the cheek.
The girl in the cute shorts from earlier sits down to play in the circle across from me. I spin the bottle and it lands on her. She introduces herself to me as Sophia.
There’s something really strange about introducing yourself and shaking hands with someone all politely right before shoving your face into theirs.
After playing spin the bottle for a while we’ve basically kissed everyone and I’m getting a little bored, so Ava and I decide to try to dance and talk to more people.
On the dancefloor Ava sees Sophia again. She’s no longer wearing the shorts, just a bikini bottom. (Where did the shorts go? Did she lose them? As the night progresses, people’s clothes just start disappearing.)
“I want to know where she got those shorts.”
“Then let’s go ask her.”
She’s standing with a group of other people so we go over and introduce ourselves to the group, then turn to Sophia. She’s got curly black hair and is a pretty tiny girl, she has a great body.
“You’re going to hate me,” Sophia says, “But they’re my sister’s shorts. I stole them from her. I don’t know where she got them.”
“I like your bathing suit too.”
She’s wearing a cute red polka-dotted bathing suit.
“Also my sister’s.”
“Does your sister know you’re wearing her clothes to a sex party?”
“No, and she would kill me if she found out. I told her I was going to the beach.”
It turns out Sophia came by herself and this is also her first time at an event like this. She’s in a poly relationship but her boyfriend couldn’t make it out.
I ask her if she knows what her boundaries are.
“No sex or oral sex,” she says, “But I’m okay with making out and fingering.”
Got it.
This is like the simplest date ever.
“Do you guys wanna sit down?” Ava asks. “I can barely hear you over the music.” So we sit in the area where spin the bottle used to be. The room is pretty full at this point.
Ava and Sophia start talking about something — I don’t know, maybe the music that’s playing. I can tell that Ava’s nervous. She talks a lot when she’s nervous just to fill in the space.
It’s funny, the three of us know exactly what we want to do, but instead of just saying it, we’re playing this social game we’ve been trained to do.
Meanwhile I start tuning out, and that’s when I realize I have to say something.
“Have you ever been kissed by two people at the same time before?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Can we kiss you?”
“Yes.”
Ava likes this game. “Okay let’s not tell each other what spot we’re going for and we’ll see if our heads bump into each other.”
It works out great. I lean in to kiss the left side of Sophia’s neck, and Ava goes for her left thigh. Very interesting. A light moan escapes Sophia’s lips. Imagine having two people kiss different, sensitive parts of your body at the same time. That’s something you can never do with just one person. I can tell you, it’s amazing.
Ava kisses her lips first as I explore the back of Sophia’s neck, her ears, and down the side of her body. Then Sophia kisses me while Ava wraps around her. Our hands are starting to explore her body, her neck, her legs, her small breasts. She’s loving the attention.
Even though Ava has willingly agreed to attending and partaking in this adventure, deep down I’m scared that she will experience jealousy seeing me pay too much attention to another woman. That it will make her feel like “not enough” and she’ll immediately stand up and leave without a word. Or even worse, that she’ll be crushed but won’t say anything.
I want to make sure Ava feels the love, so I switch my focus to her and kiss her mouth as Sophia’s lips go up and down her neck.
It’s funny how much more you have to think about sharing attention and focus when you’re with three people.
“Can I suck your nipples?” I ask Sophia.
“Okay.”
I take off her shirt and pull her bikini top aside. She’s got light pink nipples.
Ava and Sophia both admire each other.
“I love your breasts, they’re so cute.”
“I love your breasts! I was going to say that!”
People are starting to watch the two beautiful women kissing in the middle of the dance floor. I lean back for a second just to watch them, my hands resting on both of their backs. Their bodies are very similar, and seeing them both intertwined in each other is kind of beautiful. Like two snakes doing a dance.
“Do you want to see if one of the tents is available?” Ava asks.
“Go take a look,” I say.
We both look to Sophia.
“Yes, absolutely.”
Ava skips off like a forest nymph and when she returns she tells us she’s surprised that one of the tents is totally free. I walk over with both women. I’m feeling nervous, proud, and also concerned that I won’t be able to perform — aka keep it hard. I’ve never been with two women before so I had no idea what to expect. We unzip the screen door and the three of us slip inside the tent.
Inside, things start to get really heavy. Before long, Sophia and Ava are both topless and Sophia starts to take off her bathing suit bottom. I’m surprised. I was expecting her to be a little more hesitant. But she seemed totally ready and willing.
Ava and Sophia start touching each other and their bodies are fully wrapped together now. It’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, and it makes me incredibly turned on just watching. It’s like watching porn, but live. I know that this is Ava’s first time playing with a girl, so I want to make sure everything’s going alright. She seems like she’s having a great time.
Ava is touching Sophia and I’m licking her nipples. Sophia starts breathing and moaning pretty heavily, and I can tell she’s going to come. I know this is Ava’s first time getting another woman off, so I’m sure she’s getting excited. I’m glad I get to be there to experience it with her. And I’m trying to participate as much as possible by kissing Sophia’s neck or pulling her hair, but mostly I’m letting both of the women do their thing.
This is my rule for sex in general — that the woman (or women) should always come first. I know that the attention will be focused on me soon enough. After Sophia comes she asks if she can finger Ava, and says she’s never done that to another woman before either.
I love observing the female orgasm, and I love how it’s different for each woman. It’s a very vulnerable moment when someone fully gives in and let’s this thing take over their body, hands, feet and eventually thoughts. Making a woman come with another woman I really care about is a really cool experience. A lot of guys get to observe the female orgasm, but not a lot of women have seen another woman come (in person), so now that Ava has, I feel like Ava and I can understand even more about each other.
Once both of them have come, Ava goes down on me while Sophia gives me a handjob. It’s logistically a little complicated but it feels amazing. Ava alternates between licking my balls and putting me in her mouth while Sophia is just using her hands to work the shaft. I remember that she’s not comfortable with oral sex tonight.
I don’t focus on trying to get off. I tend to not be able to come easily from oral sex, so even though it’s probably one of the best physical feelings I’ve ever felt, I know I’ll need a little more in order to actually come. But that’s fine because I plan on lasting until the end of the night anyway.
So after a few minutes I pull both of them up and we start making out again, and then we lie down in post-coital bliss. Which is always my favorite part, because the sexual tension has been eased and you get to be goofy as fuck. After a while the desire to explore the venue kicks in again.
“Do you guys want to check out the play areas?” Ava asks, referring to the areas with the signs. “We don’t have to do anything, I just want to see what’s going on.”
“Yeah me too,” Sophia says. “I’m curious what that’s like.”
And so we begin our next adventure.
When we get out of the tent the party has definitely started.
The woman in the “Dope” bathing suit is walking around naked with pool floaties around her arms. Everyone seems more carefree and fun. I’m reminded of forest nymphs.
Ava, Sophia and I head over to the second play area, which we’re pretty certain is hidden behind the bouncy castle.
The first thing I see is a professional masseuse with a table set up to give people free massages. Then there’s a table set up with condoms, dental dams, little packets of lubrication, and little blue sheets you can place down to, I assume, be considerate if you’re sitting naked on a bench.
And then there’s the spectacle. The room fits about thirty people. In the center, there are four mattress pads placed side by side with nice silk sheets where people are — for lack of a better word — fucking in a big sweaty knot, mostly in pairs of two or three. There are soft benches lined up along one wall, a few couches, and a futon mattress as well. It looks kind of like Hieronymus Bosch’s painting The Garden of Earthly Delights.
I always assumed that orgies were a group affair, but it seems like most of the people there are couples. Everyone is really open with each other though.
The three of us sit down on a plush bench and almost instantly a sweet-looking, doe-eyed girl and another guy come over and sit next to us.
“You guys look like fun,” she says. “I’m Wynn and this is my boyfriend Dan.”
We introduce ourselves and start talking about how great the event is. It’s their first time as well. Dan’s wearing a cool shirt with tiny pineapples on it.
Wynn looks like a super sweet girl, the kind of person who’d wear pastel-colored summer dresses, the kind of girl you’d take home to your mom. Not the kind of girl you’d meet at a sex party.
Ava, feeling a little less shy this time around, asks Wynn, “Do you mind if I kiss you?”
Then Ava calls me over and then asks Wynn, “Do you mind if my boyfriend kisses you? You’re a really sweet kisser and I think you’d enjoy kissing him.” I’m flattered.
Wynn asks Dan if he minds if I kiss her. He says okay and asks if he can kiss Ava. I say okay and Ava does as well. I feel like I’m playing a game of sexual telephone.
Ava and I take a minute to head to the bathroom, we decide to both take the light dose of Molly that I had prepared and stashed away in my pocket. I pop half a Viagra too just in case. This ends up being a good decision. Ava and I are walking around like naked, giddy school-children.
By the time we get back Wynn is going down on Sophia and Dan is playing with her tits.
That escalated quickly.
So we take off the rest of our clothes and join in. And when a space on the mattress pads opens up — mattress real estate can be a hot commodity here — Wynn jumps over and grabs it.
Ava lies down and Wynn starts to go down on her. I’m next to them, making out with Sophia. After a little while, Ava asks Wynn if she would be comfortable with me going down on her. Ava tells me she’s really turned on, and that all she wants is for me to be involved as well. She’s sharing with me, without any feelings of jealousy or possessiveness, sharing out of pure enjoyment and love, which makes me feel special.
I can see Ava getting more and more turned on, watching me go down on another woman, so I know I don’t have to feel concerned or scared about upsetting her. I continue to make eye contact with her and also Wynn (her eyes are closed) and Ava watches me intently as I make Wynn come.
Afterwards, I tell Ava that I’d love to see her go down on Wynn as well — Ava’s never gone down on another woman and she’s mentioned to me once that she wants to but she’s nervous. She’s cut her nails for this occasion. So she asks and Wynn says sure. And I watch as my girlfriend goes down on her first woman and makes Wynn come a second time. Later she says it was a lot easier than she expected. I’m glad she had such a good experience her first time.
I don’t look at my phone often, as I’m afraid that looking at the time or any other connection to the outside world will pull me out of the moment, but I’m somewhat aware that it’s around 1:30am and the party is supposed to end at 3am.
As the evening goes on towards 2am, the room swells with people. They come and go in waves. After the girls come a few more times (I don’t yet), Ava and I break off from the group and start having sex. Wynn and Dan also start fucking.
I’m aware of a slight rolling sensation from the Molly, but mostly I feel like I’m really present in the moment. And because of the half pill of Viagra I took, I’m able to keep going for longer than normal and still enjoy myself.
Sex in a roomful of other people is entirely different from sex in private. It’s somewhat more of a performance — depending on how self-conscious you are — you’re concerned with how you look and whether you’ll be able to keep it up. It can also be very hard to stay focused on the person you’re with, because of everything going on around you. A cornucopia of sexual sights and sounds.
After spending a little while playing with Wynn and Dan, Sophia has to leave because she has an early brunch with her parents. I think about what she’s going to say when her parents ask her, “How’s your weekend been? What’d you do last night?” Weirdly, Ava and I are kind of sad to see her go.
I don’t come because I’ve partly been afraid of coming too early, which has happened in the past and often leads to feelings of shame or regret. I know that holding myself back is difficult, but if I stay aware of how I’m feeling then I can reliably pull myself back before I get too close to coming. I want to savor the experience.
On the other hand, sometimes if I’ve held out long enough, then I become sort of desensitized, and at that point it can be very hard to come even if I want to. The first time I ever had sex, I was so nervous about coming early that I held myself back to the point where I wasn’t able to come at all. The second time was much more enjoyable.
And then there’s the part of me that’s worried about having blue balls from all the action if I don’t come. It’s very all conflicting, emotionally. I try not to think about it too much.
Thinking and sex do not go well together for me.
After a few minutes, Ava and I excuse ourselves. We’re exhausted. We grab our clothes (though we don’t put them on quite yet, just carry them in a little ball) and sit on a couch in the playroom and try to just take in as much of the experience as possible in our last hour.
It really is a breathtaking sight. One orgasm is beautiful enough to watch, but here there’s a constant cacophony of orgasms. Just as one person’s subsides, another one begins.
The people in this room come in so many different shapes and sizes. There’s a really tall, skinny man with a woman three times his size. There’s a pornstar-looking woman and a very plain-looking girl going down on a guy. Everyone is in their own tiny world and I feel blessed to be able to participate even as a viewer.
When Ava and I leave at the 3am closing time, I’m filled with a renewed hope for mankind. I’m refreshed. I feel like in there, life is simpler and I want to take that simplicity out with me into the world.
In there, you can walk up to someone and say, “Can I kiss you?” Maybe that would be a bit much outside of a sex party, but how about a simple, “I think I’m attracted to you, can I get your number?”
If the world worked that way, things would be so much more straightforward. Instead, people tiptoe around issues, they turn things into games, and it causes drama, pain, and a lot of suffering. I think this happens all because people are trying to avoid a little discomfort — the awkwardness of being direct, the awkwardness of being naked (I mean metaphorically, vulnerable) in front of even one other person — most people think it’s not something they can do.
I’m glad Ava and I went to this party. The conversations we had leading up to it about our expectations, about what we wanted and enjoyed, and about what hurt us or made us uncomfortable, were worth it alone. It made our relationship significantly stronger because of it.
And to be honest, it feels like an incredible luxury to be there. There’s a ton of sensory stimulation. It’s like watching porn, but in real life. And it’s amazing that we live in a time in which it’s possible to participate in that, while still participating in a healthy relationship where two people care about each other and can even use the experience to deepen their relationship.
I’m not going to go to every one (at $150/couple, it’s kind of expensive), but I’ll definitely go again.
Strangely enough, it also feels like a really safe place. I think if you talk to a lot of the couples that go to sex parties, they’ll say they’re okay with their girlfriend or boyfriend hooking up with someone else at a sex party because they know that outside of the party, they go about their lives in the exact same way as before. Like it’s a separate, compartmentalized place where the normal rules don’t apply.
I wonder if that will change for me and Ava over time. Will we actually get to know some of the people in that community? Will it start to mix into our regular lives? Who knows.
If it leads to a more beautiful life, then I’m down to experience it.
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Originally published on Cambyo. Cambyo is a collection of trailblazers who share stories and struggles to help people develop their intimate lives. Sign up for their free newsletter so you can continue the journey of learning about intimacy through real stories.
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