You reach a certain age in your life where Christmas presents become redundant. Because when you start making your own money, you start buying your own things. It makes things hard for my poor old mum. A couple of weeks ago she asked me for present ideas and I, very humbly and quaintly and non-materialistically, because I’m a good person and pure of spirit, told her I have everything I need.
Except that’s a lie, I don’t have everything I need, because I’m twenty-five years old and I haven’t even got a pair of panties for my pillow to wear.
Well pay attention, whoever drew my name in Secret Santa, because the festy season is upon us and a Japanese erotic toy/sleep product manufacturer has just released a long-awaited line of pillow panties. This is absolutely not a drill.
Ligre’s specialised undies measure in at around 32 centimetres top to bottom and 60 centimetres across, meaning they’ll fit around any standard pillow nice and snugly. What’s more, they’ll make that pillow look sexy as fuck. All for just under $A30.
But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. How often do you wash your pillowcase, honestly? Is it not very often? And do you have an oily little head and/or neck that gradually soils the spot where you lay your noggin every night? This is where these knickers really come into their own.
The pillow panties are specially designed to collect oils and sweat from the user’s hair and head – oils and sweat that accumulate over time and cause a distinct discolouration in the crotchal region of the undies. This is a good thing, apparently. On the Japanese online store Village Vanguard, the product description describes it as follows:
“The back of the neck just crotches and it is the ultimate dish that gives a taste better as you use it. You can watch it even if it gets used and dirty! Good to sniff! It is a fetish bedding!”
Less than four weeks ’til Christmas guys and girls. Get your orders in while you can.
Feature image: Ligre
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