YFH Five Years: Bianca

Photo by Emmanuel Rosario

Editor’s Note: These letters are corrected only in the case of spelling and grammatical errors, for the sake of readability. YFH protects the privacy of its readers and uses a pseudonym in the title.

Hey five-year-ago self (15),

I’ve been wanting to write you for a while, mostly just to let you know how it all pans out, to give you some warning I guess, maybe just to say hi. It gets better and then it gets worse. The doctors tell you that you can’t beat it and even if you do, you’ll live with it forever. The boy you are dating is going to break up with you, he is going to kiss your best friend right on her goddamn mouth at a party and then ask for you back a week later. I said yes but I hope you say no. You’re still fighting it.

School is okay, everybody else hates it but you don’t mind, it gives you a place to be. The teachers are nicer to you once they learn about what the doctor said. You pass every test, every assignment and every exam, maybe because you were bright, maybe because they felt sorry for you. You get really bad and have to go home from boarding school for a few months, but you come back.

There is a boy; you believe him for 11 months. I hope you don’t. Your daddy turns out to be an alcoholic and you blame yourself as much as your mother turns a blind eye because of his pay check. You try to kill yourself in your senior year and you fail. You fail for a fucking reason and because of that, I can write this to you now. Just to let you know… You lose a lot of friends, you cry a lot, your family is fucked up—but you deal with it. You grow up fast because you have to.

The world doesn’t stop moving kid, and if you don’t keep up, you’ll get left behind.

But you keep up. Trust me.

…

Five Years Ago is an initiative about perspective, direction and acceptance. It’s simple really: write a letter to your five-year-ago self and explain what’s happened in the five years they’re yet to live. Send us yours: fiveyearsago@yourfriendshouse.com.