Forget Impartiality, Everyone Else Has

Photo via Sydney Morning Herald.

About a month ago, I wrote an article about the importance of the current election, and to the best of my abilities gave a non-bias description of the Liberal party’s policy. Being impartial and factual is critically important when reporting on politics, but seeing as everyone else has disposed with that ‘journalistic ethic’, I thought I’d jump aboard the partiality bandwagon.

Of course we know Murdoch media is right wing biased, and has been since the invention of bigotry. Luckily in Australia, nobody reads Murdoch publications. In fact, The Australian newspaper loses Murdoch money, yet he is reluctant to take his fat finger out of the pie. Despite Rupert Murdoch claiming the election is already won for the Liberals, he is quite happy to slag off Kevin Rudd on the front page of the Daily Telegraph and The Courier Mail at any opportunity.

Yet not content with this ludicrous attempt at journalism, we now have to hear the constant retorts from the right saying that the ABC is just as bias to the left. Well, I’m here to tell you that’s bullshit. You will not find any news stories from the ABC that even remotely resemlbe the sort of antagonism shown on the front pages of Murdoch publications. And for anyone that is of the impression that The Age/Sydney Morning Herald are left bias, note the Liberal campaign ads splattered on their websites.

Now, because I believe in balance in the media, I am going to give my unabridged, completely partial opinion on Tony Abbott.

I’m sick of the image that’s been created for Tony Abbott. That he’s a True Blue Australian. That he’s just a normal bloke, larking about, giving those other politicians a right kicking up the backside! He’s supposed to seem relatable, but he just looks like a scrotum with ears to me. Besides which, I don’t want to have just a normal bloke running the country. I want to see someone exceedingly clever who is excellent at political discourse, who appreciates the complexity of what is the country’s most difficult job. I don’t want ‘just some guy’ having a bash at foreign policy.

Furthermore, I am sick of seeing Tony Abbott’s daughters. Unless they are going to be sitting on the backbench in the next Government, they have literally zero political importance. I suspect the reason they’re dragged about to every crevice of the swinging electorates is to quell the ludicrous idea that he is anti-women. He puts them on show as if to say ‘I’m not sexist, some of my daughters have vaginas!” And then runs off to be sexually inappropriate to some teenage girls.

I am completely over the Liberal party pointing at their little pamphlet saying ‘hey look, we have policies!’ but seemingly being oblivious to what those policies are and how on Earth they’re going to work. Moreover, I’m not too happy that these policies are brought to you by tobacco companies.

Again and again I’m hearing about how the Carbon Tax is literally anally raping our children and withered pensioners with it’s slimy, taxy dick, but I’m yet to see any evidence that it’s done nothing but actually give us money. Literally, they gave us money. Besides which, I don’t think it’s the end of the world to pay for carbon. Yet, surprisingly the word ‘tax’ makes people’s heads explode with outrage.

“Oh! So now we have to pay to destroy the environment now! Next you’ll be telling me it’s illegal to have sex with dolphins!”

The whole debate is summed up with this really.

I know we all have to accept that politics is childish. But I mean, do we have to? I’m not interested in seeing finger pointing or name calling, I’m interested in proper political discourse. Well, perhaps the Italian parliament isn’t the best example of democracy in motion, but I think Tony Abbott and his fists of fury may well fit in there. My point is, the negative tactics of the Liberals dragged Labor down to their level, shooting spitballs at each other until Mr. Rudd stormed back into the classroom and yelled, “I don’t care who started it, I’m finishing it!”

And if they’re not playing the age old tactic of ‘Yeah, Labor would have good policies… If it was opposite day!’ then they’re playing the game of ‘Nuh uh! We thought of that policy first!’ Or there was that time when they played no-givesies-backsies with Craig Thomson.

Returning to a state of impartiality for a moment, I’d like to point out that on the issue of asylum seekers, both major parties are being massive arse hats. Instead of treating them as humans, asylum seekers are being treated more like Pokémon. Boat People: Gotta catch ‘em all.

The reason we’re running on a sandy treadmill, continually & unendingly debating issues like asylum seekers, gay marriage or climate change, is because as a nation we rather like debating these topics. Politics would be rather dull if we all just agreed on good policies, because then we’d have to talk about boring stuff like the economy or infrastructure. Yawnsville!

Lets now jump a week into the future. What happens when the Liberal party wins in a landslide, Kevin Rudd resigns and the entire make up of the Government is unrecognisable to what it was just 2 months ago?  What happens then? Does the NBN get scrapped? Will the Direct Action Plan work? What will the Courier Mail have left to write about? I’m certain the Liberals will save money; cutting policies does that. I worry that after this next Government departs, what hope we’ll have of playing catch up in a rapidly modernising & evolving world?

I don’t care if you call me uninformed or completely moronic. I don’t care if you think I’m a hypocrite for slagging off bias in the media, merely to really go off on one about Tony Abbott. I’m not dressing up my opinion as news. If you want information, read the parties’ policy plans. Labor, Liberal, Greens. Then vote.

I’m entitled to my opinion, just as Rupert Murdoch is entitled to his. Just don’t let our opinions decide yours.