Are you a fan of heroin? Are you saving to travel to an opium den? Do you fake severe injuries to visit hospital in the hopes you’ll get that morphine hit you’ve been fiending for? Coles has you covered.
Actually, so do most supermarkets and health stores. Anywhere that sells poppy seeds, really. We spoke with 23-year-old Brisbane man Leon Hamilton, who believes the Coles near his house legitimately sells more poppy seeds than any other outlet in Australia. He can attribute this anomaly to his raging opiate addiction.
Poppy seeds contain a small amount of opiates, predominantly morphine. When you consume a large amount of poppy seeds, you consume a large amount of morphine. Maths is great.
Hamilton tells us the best way to harvest the opiate component of the seeds is to brew a tea from the seeds and drink only the liquid. He even ran us through a step by step process on how he does it.
Without giving you enough motivation to go out and consume your way into cloud-heaven, it all starts with obnoxiously large amounts of poppy seeds. It’s the kind of purchase that makes people stare. There is literally no other reason anyone would ever buy this amount of poppy seeds, so if somebody knows about poppy tea, they will either judge you harshly, or be stoked that someone else out there is just as much of a drug addict as them.
Hamilton then uses a 2L bottle, some chux, lemon juice, warm water, a whole lot of shaking and very little dignity to produce a tea. The only complicated part of this process is avoiding poppy seed spillage, as they’re the only thing on Earth more fucked than glitter to remove once spilled. And at least glitter on the floor doesn’t denote the presence of an opiate abuser.
The final product’s most apt description is ‘warm, slightly sour, slightly nutty, watered down skim milk’, and according to Hamilton, the means in which he reaches such a taste is a pretty standard procedure.
For him, a standard dose would be much higher, as opiate tolerance builds upsettingly fast. There are plenty of variations and deviations from this extraction method on drug forums, because there’s nothing better to fuel research than the motivation of an opiate addiction.
He says the high itself could be described with words like painless, weightless, relaxed, sleepy, comfortable and my personal favorite, ‘like a marshmallow’.
The tea also has a sedative and anti-diarrheal effect, which is great news if you’ve got diarrhea, but for everybody else it’s a big bag of dicks because you’re probably going to feel constipated when you start feeling anything again.
Hamilton stressed that dosages can vary greatly depending on where you buy the poppy seeds from, how much that brand washes their seeds before sale and whether they’re from a health store or supermarket (health stores’ seeds are usually stronger). He uses a lower quantity of seeds when buying from any health store.
In all seriousness though, there have been several incidents of deaths in the poppy seed circles. Hamilton admits there have been times where he’s slept for over 15 hours after a big night on the tea.
This site was made by the parents of a 17 year old boy who died from morphine overdose after brewing himself some tea. The risk of tea consumption increases when taking benzos such as Xanax and Valium, both of which he was consuming. However, his blood free-morphine content alone was already lethal.
This is what happens when you sell drugs in Coles. People can’t be trusted to be responsible and bad things happen. But the bottom line is, Coles sells drugs. And they have for quite some time.
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