A Rudimentary Guide To Urethral Sounding

Are you vanilla or adventurous in the bedroom? Are you on your third year of missionary practice, or do you fuck so wild your climaxes feel like rainbow unicorns are squeezing their way out of your naughty bits and launching themselves into/onto/all over your equally satisfied partner? Have you stuck something in your partner’s ass before while playing the Rocky Theme song on a ukulele made of dildos?

Whatever level your sexual escapades have reached, it’s unlikely that you’re dabbling in the seemingly unnecessary world of urethral sounding. Like all terrifying sexual acts, urethral sounding was traditionally a medical practice, in which doctors stuck rods and various other objects into the eye of a man’s penis in order to gather sticky specimens and tell him if he’s got something to worry about or not.

But now humans are acting out their fascination of filling holes with objects and urethral play – also referred to as urethral probing – is becoming an actual thing. 

Love Honey have compiled an entire guide for people who want to stick things inside their peen, including fun tips on the use of penis plugs, sounds (which are like penis plugs but significantly longer and far more capable of making a male shudder) and even guides to safety (don’t jam an orange up your urethra).

Males, I challenge you to read this excerpt without having a minor internal meltdown:

• Start with the sound which fits your urethra best, with minimal stretching or resistance.
• Ensure your toy is completely sanitised before play, and make sure you have plenty of sterile lubricant handy.
• Clean your hands and penis before play (you may even want to use surgical gloves for ultimate cleanliness).
• Add a generous squeeze of sterile lube to your penis opening and the first few inches of your toy.
• Stabilize the sound with one hand, and place one end of the toy into your penis opening (you may find this easier while flaccid to begin with).
• Let the sound gradually “fall” into the hole with gravity’s help.
• The sound will reach a point where it naturally stops. Leave it for a while and allow your urethra to relax around your toy.
• You can now experiment with gently moving it in and out about half an inch.
• Remove and re-lube as necessary.
• For deeper exploration you may need to change the angle of penetration due to the natural bend in your urethra.
• Anatomically, the opening in the glans is slightly wider than the urethra itself, so never force a toy that’s too big into your urethra.
• It may take some practice to find the perfect angle of play for you, so take it slow and steady. Never rush.

_____
Photo by Andri Gerðisá.