Photo by Luketehduke
Starting:
Life is started by exiting through a lady’s vagina, or being forcibly removed with a knife. However, it may take 20 to 30 years to boot up to its full capacity. To add players, simply make use of the cable share system; inserting the penal cord into the moistened port. If the penal cord is having troubles connecting, blow on it.
Objective:
The aim of life is mostly to avoid fatal injuries, as well as avoiding making uncomfortable eye contact with strangers. There are several subplots including marriage and date rape, depending on the life choices the player makes.
Tips:
– Don’t ever wear tracksuit pants and cowboy boots in public. That move will result in other players turning against you. Admitting you are a Pitbull fan will have the same effect.
– Unless you are an avid thrill seeker who gets off on danger, avoid train station sushi bars.
– Go jogging every once and a while. Seriously, it’s not that hard.
Troubleshooting:
– If having morality problems, download the life-counseling program.
– If you experience lagging problems, buy a cat or get a new career. If this doesn’t work, consider going on a killing spree.
– If experiencing genital leaking, take into manufacturer for repair.
Cheats & Shortcuts:
– Become impervious to shame: This superpower can be unlocked by wearing pajamas to the supermarket.
– Unlimited ego: Consume a copious amount of cheap wine. WARNING: This cheat can wipe memory.
– Longer penis: X, up, down, X, O, O, R1, start.
We recommend taking breaks for at least 8 hours per day from game play. Prolonged play time can lead to depression, motion sickness and cancer. Do not play whilst pregnant or operating heavy machinery. If game is not living up to standards, please note that there is no warranty, and all exchanges of either gender, social status, race or otherwise, must be paid for in full.
Upon completion of life, credits will roll for roughly the rest of eternity. Despite Internet rumors, there is to be no sequel of this game called ‘After Life’.
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