X

Shoplifting Seagull Terrorises Local Bakery

Seagulls are weird as shit, they hop around scabbing anything they can like an annoying girl at a house party, and most the time they just don’t take no for an answer. I don’t know if you’ve ever teased a seagull with a chip, but let me tell you that having 8 angry seagulls who all want your last chip is about as fun as Edward Scissorhands giving you a colonoscopy.

Whether it’s natural evolution or they just do not give one single fuck, seagulls seem to be getting ballsier by the day. Just recently, reports emerged of a Seagull with a fanging for baked goods terrifying a bakery in Scotland. The bird, which has been named Steven Seagull (I know), has been swooping down on the bakery up to 10 times a day. In my opinion, this bird has it pretty sweet, it has a killer name and free food on the daily and kind of makes me wish I could transform into a bird.

Even though old mate Steven has been robbing the bakery blind on a near daily basis, bakery worker Lyndsay Cowan says they’ve never considered snitching him in. “We’ll never call the police on him,” she said. “He loves crisps but he’ll take what he can – he flew off with a pack of six rolls. We try to stop him but he’s usually too quick.”

Locals seem to be on the lookout for Steven and his antics, Ashleigh Walton said of the bird’s reign of terror: “Steven has no fear. We have to keep a constant eye out for him.” Which seems like a somewhat problematic way to conduct your day to day life. At least he’s loyal though, he deserves one of those loyalty cards where every 10th visit he’s allowed to rummage through the bins uninterrupted.

Categories: Uncategorized