If You Don’t Have A Shower In The Morning Then You’re An Ungodly Freak

I’m a big advocate for doing what you want as long as the consequences don’t negatively affect anyone else. I don’t really care about your gender, sexuality, race or if you like Somersby Cider, you do you. However, there’s one type of people that I can’t abide, and that’s unhygienic heathens who don’t take a shower in the morning.

For what feels like centuries, the topic of when is the best time to wash has been greatly contested by scholars and bogans alike.

While I understand that things like work, exercise and other meaningless excuses can get in the way of blessing yourself with an early-morning gift, it’s time for morning shower takers to stand up for what’s right.

So buckle up, here are three reasons why everything you believe in is a lie.

it’s a wake-up call

That first shower in the morning is pure, unadulterated bliss. Being able to wash off a day’s worth of bad decisions and starting the day fresh is a pleasure that I think everyone should be able to enjoy.

Crawling out of the blankets and engulfing yourself in the comforting confines of a shower is what I imagine a particularly dirty hit from the crack pipe would feel like.

Some people need coffee, fresh morning air or down a concoction of ambiguous green liquid before they can even begin to face the day, not me though, a few minutes of getting pelted with water and I’m ready to roll. Show me someone who says that they don’t enjoy being woken up with a fresh morning shower and I’ll show you a downright liar.


We’re pretty damn gross

Aside from the pleasurable benefits of showering in the morning, it’s also the best way to ensure you don’t smell like a soggy nightclub ashtray for the day ahead. When we sleep, our bodies are still pumping out little beads of sweat, farts and bad breath, just as if we were awake.

Having a shower in the morning washes away all that disgustingness you’ve picked up from lying still for eight hours and puts you on the path to being a functioning member of society.


Me time

We live in a weird time, man. We’re constantly bombarded with unwanted notifications from people we don’t really like, stressful work and uni lives, and I’ve bought so many fucking avocados this week that I don’t think I’m EVER going to be able to snag a house.

Which is why taking a minute to quietly meditate while enjoying your shower beverage of choice and pumping out some absolute choons is a necessity in the modern age.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take showers at night, there’s nothing wrong about sliding into bed all fresh and clean after a day of causing a ruckus. But you can’t deny, showering in the morning is the only logical way to live your life. If you’re a habitual night showerer, then I implore you to mix it up and see what you think.

Learn to love showers, and you’ll learn to love yourself.

Image: Lifehack

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Ethan Gould: