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Stupid Little Thug Kids

When people say ‘kids these days’, they mean ‘holy shit how fucking haywire are the little gang members mom and dads are pumping out lately’. Gone are the days little Johnnies most rebellious moments were throwing a stone at a roof or saying ‘crap’ when he stubs his toe. Nowadays, he’s banged a 20 pack of cigarettes in his Aunties shed, patented a neighborhood gang sign and spent a week trying to buy ecstasy of a local junkie – all before his 13th birthday. Last week, walking into a local shopping center, I came face to face with the modern day pre-teen homie. “What you looking at white boy” he squeaked, puffing on a cigarette with his pale complexion contrasting awkwardly on a lime green Wu-Tang shirt. I looked away and laughed, not wanting to offend the human equivalent of a Furby, more so out of pity than fear. Strolling around, I noticed that the little idiot patrolling the centers outskirts was not alone. While no one else felt the need to assert their dominance toward me, the snarl these young kids carried around was just one aspect of their general demeanor that served as a dead giveaway.

“Yeh man, they’re fucking everywhere these days” a friend said to me later that evening as we waited for our Chinese to arrive. “I have these little twelve year old brats in my neighborhood that always ask me for drugs” he went on, explaining “I just sell them Panadol. I laughed. While I’m sure its illegal to imitate the sale of drugs, conceptually this was ridiculous. “Surely after the first time they never came back?” I queried, positive that after paying twenty five dollars for something that produced no effects, one would not do so again. “That’s where you’re wrong” he barked back. “They are so intent on looking cool, pretty sure they convince themselves mentally that they are feeling something” he explained, smirking at the genius in making a 500% profit on a box of over the counter pain killers. It was brilliant, and I couldn’t help but think that while it was taking advantage of a worrying trend in society, kids are better of downing a few Panadol on a Saturday night than hard drugs. Hell, they’ll look back on it in 10 years and laugh about how they spent a portion of their childhood buying the most expensive Panadol in the world, all the while thinking they were the hardest fools on the block.

I wonder what your average 12 year old will be like in ten years?

Categories: Short & Sharp
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