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Fighting With A Drunk Vegan

The other day a lady called me disgusting because I was eating meat. She was drunk, at a local tavern, eating a salad that she had picked the bacon pieces out of and thrown on the ground in protest. She insulted me in that passive aggressive kind of way most minorities utilise in their attacks, in that it wasn’t quite abusive enough to warrant me getting angry – but it was in no way a joke either. It was obvious she was proud of her efforts, which made me think she was one of those week long activists who abandon a cause as often as they change their sheets. We went on to have a lengthy discussion about how eating meat is disgusting, cruel and one of the most foul human traits we have adopted over time. I’m pretty sure she farted at one point during the conversation, but I guess that was just another facet of her all natural approach to life. There was not a single point in my 20 minute discussion with her that I felt like we were reaching an agreement, maybe because I occasionally gave her confidence by saying that I respect vegans efforts in the fight against animal cruelty. Statements like this just got her more riled up in her own cause.

I couldn’t help but think she looked kind of unhealthy. I’m in no way an expert on the nutritional viability of a vegan diet, but she looked like a crack addict, to the point where I was enjoying my steak even more. Regardless, the broccoli and lettuce she was ravaging seemed to be filling her body with confidence as she continued to decimate my carnivorous habits in any which way possible. “Vegans are generally better people” she yapped at one point, solidifying her statement by saying the self control needed to turn away from meat was evident in other aspects of their lives. I felt like bringing up the New York couple who starved their innocent toddler to death by attempting to bring it up on an all vegan diet, but I was afraid she’d begin throwing tofu balls at me. ‘You’re completely right, it must have taken huge amounts of self control to kill a child for the cause’ I felt like saying, knowing that a statement like that would be equally as biased and ridiculous as some of the shit she was coming up with. “I hope you know how that slab of meat was slaughtered” she snarled at one point.

Eventually, she walked out and got into an oversized Landcruiser, belting off down the road in a smoke filled departure. Obviously focusing all her energy on the vegan lifestyle had resulted in a complete disregard for things like pollution, but who was I to judge. Then again, it can’t be all that easy mustering up energy from a diet of greens. Perhaps that’s why she was such an angry human being.

Categories: Short & Sharp
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