There’s a few things uni students are extremely good at. For example, no one on the planet is better at justifying poor attendance records, midweek drinking and/or scampering to complete weeks of work in a single night. They’re also good at coming up with ways to make things fun, a process that usually takes place while procrastinating or avoiding an impending assignment.
Enter Olly Clink, an author for UK publication ‘The Tab’, who devised a pretty comprehensive and spot on drinking game for people who have the guts to smuggle alcohol into their lectures (coffee mugs, water bottles, and even Camelbak’s if you’re determined). While that’s a relatively far fetched concept here in Australia, you know what they say: kids these days.
There’s obviously some logistical and moral issues here. Firstly, we don’t recommend drinking during lectures, because it will set a pretense for the rest of your life, and serve as a keyhole into the wonderful world of navigating the sober world whilst inebriated. We also don’t know how the fuck you’d be able to ferry such a large amount of booze into the lecture in the first place.
Alas, here’s the lowdown, broken into two parts (the audience, and the lecturer) and assigned by ‘fingers’ of a drink (where ‘1’ means the drink must decrease by a breadth of your finger, and so on):
(1) The Lecturer
• Talks about a “very famous” person that no one has fucking heard of – 2 fingers.
• Tells a shit joke that no one laughs at – 2 fingers (this could get you very drunk).
• Reads out a slide word for word – 2 fingers (as could this).
• Moves the slideshow forward before you’ve written everything down – 1 finger (because this always fucking happens).
• Asks a question to the whole audience – Similar to the “waterfall” rule of the prestigious “Ring of Fire”, participants must drink throughout the awkward silence that follows this question until someone in the audience answers it (you could literally be drinking for 10 minutes). Participants are not allowed to answer the question themselves, with a penalty of downing their beverage.
• Runs over time – a shot for each minute
• Swears – 3 fingers. (cause swears are funny lol)
• Slips in to a shit anecdote about their youth – a shot for every painful minute this goes on for.
(2) Lecture Audience
• Every 5 coughs – 2 fingers
• Late people – 2 fingers for each person arriving once the lecture is five minutes in. If a participant is late, they must down a drink before commencing the game.
• A phone receives a notification – 2 fingers, unless it is your own mobile device, which constitutes to 4 fingers. Participants are allowed to text each other in order to catch other game players out with this rule. Stay on silent, or shit gets violent.
• Someone gets an answer wrong in front of the whole crowd – A choice can be made here. Either participants can shout abuse at the moron, or can consume 3 fingers of their beverage. If you’re drunk, you’ll probably do both.
• Member of opposite sex that you’re secretly in love with in your lecture (no one cares if you have a boy/girlfriend, everyone has one) – if you find yourself leering at them, 2 fingers. If they look at you by some sort of miracle and you make awkward eye contact, down it.
• Some dickhead procrastinating on an Apple Mac in front of you – 2 fingers for each one you see.
NB: You shouldn’t try this. Also, the rules were taken from Olly Clink’s original article here, and the primary photo used was by Thomas Frost Jensen, here.