Having a threesome was never on my sexual bucket list. I’d seen them in porn and thought they looked hot, but never pictured myself between two sets of legs or sucking another chicks nipples. Although I would describe myself as curious and open, a threesome felt a little too open for me.
I had been dating my boyfriend for nearly four years when we decided to create a list of safe and fun sexual experiences that both of us were curious to try. It was a super rewarding activity for us to do because whenever the mood strikes, you can pull an item from the list and boom, sexual fantasy becomes reality. We wrote our list together, each offering up things we would like to try, and anything was on the table. We’d been together for a while and thought we knew each other inside out, but writing this list we learned there was lots of uncharted territory for us to explore together. For example, I love having sex in unexpected places and it was such a turn on to hear my partner suggest places we could get it on.
My boyfriend proposed “having a threesome” be added to the list. Immediately I felt resistance, I asked about what this looked like to him; were we inviting a male or female to join us, did we know them, what kind of sex was involved, were we at home, on vacation, and I immediately expressed my “I’m not sure I can do this feeling”. We talked it out. He explained his fantasy involved another female and that he hadn’t given much thought to the logistics and wanted to know what made me so uncomfortable. I remember thinking “I’m just worried you won’t want me anymore” as a wave of insecurity and self-doubt washed over me. That particular conversation where we discussed those specific feelings with my man is still to this day one of the most connected and authentic conversations I’ve ever had. I put my fears and nerves on the table and my partner explained his desires and affirmed his love and trust in exploring all this with me.
By the end “Having a Threesome” made the list, there were a few stipulations that were discussed. We’d invite another woman to join us, neither of us would know her, I would not be the instigator, my partner would take the lead, oral and vaginal sex were allowed, and I had a ‘safe word’ to use if I was uncomfortable and wanted to stop. Despite our conversation and my desire to support and explore with my partner, I felt anxious about what it would feel like to watch someone you love offer or receive pleasure from someone else. Would that be weird? Repulsive? Super hot? I was nervous and hopeful we’d cross off a few of my fantasies before getting to this one!
Fast forward some months later, we’re having dinner and drinks at our favourite pizza spot not far from our place. Chatting about work and what’s coming up next, typical Thursday evening. My boyfriend asked me if I knew this girl who was sitting at the bar, I turned around to look and didn’t recognize her. He then asked if I thought she was pretty. I turned around again to look more closely and did have to agree she was quite pretty. He then asked if I felt up for our threesome. My heart stopped and then started pounding. Were we seriously going to do this? Right now?! On a Thursday?! Do threesomes even happen on Thursdays?! My partner grabbed my hand and reminded me that nothing had to happen but it just crossed his mind and he wanted to know how I was feeling. I was nervous but also kind of excited I explained. Before I thought too hard about it, he went to talk to the girl at the bar and moments later she came over to join our table.
She was pretty and soft-spoken but all I could think was “oh my god what if I see you naked”. I was so in my own head I didn’t hear much of what she said. She was visiting from out of town, she had freckles, let’s call her Openness. We all chatted a while, I’m good at talking to strangers but couldn’t help my racing mind; is this the girl my partner was attracted to? how is this going to happen? what’s next? And then I heard my partner say the following, “This may be a bit forward but would you like to join us for a threesome while you’re here”. Once again, heart stopped. Seriously, of all the lines, that’s what you say?? To my total surprise she didn’t spit her drink on the table or anything. She kind of laughed, looked at us both and said “I’d be up for that”. It wasn’t her first time. I told her it was mine, she smiled and said “I promise it’ll be fun.” We settled up and walked home swapping stories of recent travel adventures and family pets, as one typically does before a threesome…
Once home, I headed to the kitchen to pour drinks, my boyfriend met me there grabbing me to kiss me deeply. Instantly I was at ease. “Are we doing this? I love you. How do you feel?” he asked. “Excited nervous, nervous excited, terrified”, I couldn’t decide. “You have to take the lead remember. And ‘Lisa’ if I get too weird”. ‘Lisa’ is our stop word, don’t judge. He smiled, kissed me again and headed back to the living room to pass Openness her drink.
When I entered the living room they were on the couch so I took a chair. After some brief chit chat about places and things, my boyfriend leaned in to kiss Openness. I sat there waiting to feel all kinds of rage or anger or awkwardness, but they never arrived. I watched intently, noticing their hands, mouths, the breathing; it was hot and weird all at the same time
Eventually my boyfriend called me over to the couch. I straddled him and we kissed. His hands everywhere. Our new friend took her shirt off and so I sat back to do the same. My boyfriend and I kissed again but this time it was her soft touch on my back that I noticed, sending chills everywhere. I unbuckled my boyfriend’s pants and he promptly stood up so he could slide them off. I went down on him, feeling as though it were just the two of us again, and oddly was not surprised to look up and see another woman’s hands on his chest. When I sat back I remember looking down and seeing her hand around his hard penis, I took this as my cue to move up to the couch. I asked my boyfriend how he was feeling, his look said everything, excited nervous. I kissed him, and simultaneously Openness must have put his dick in her mouth, because he let go a serious moan. I thought I would feel so insecure and possessive in a moment like this but it was satisfying to see my partner being pleasured in two simultaneous ways that I know he loved. I was able to bite his earlobe as he got a blow job, kind of impossible to do that when it’s just you and him.
It didn’t take long for us to move to bedroom, two topless women following my boyfriend down the hall. On a Thursday?! I felt anxious and aroused. As soon as I walked into the room my partner scooped me up and moved me to the edge of the bed. Peeling off my pants and thong, he went down on me. I closed my eyes and let myself get totally lost in that moment. Openness suddenly had her lips and tongue circling my nipples. A new sensation, distracting but satisfying, I didn’t push her away. My partner moved from between my legs, kissing all the parts of me until he reached my lips. He then leaned over and kissed Openness, lying there I watched his hands move over her body. Once again waiting to feel mad or sad or angry but instead I felt wet and unsure of where to touch. Openness took off her pants, and then leaned down and kissed me, her lips and fingers making their way down my body and finding all the right places. I had kissed a girl before, but never naked or when I was aroused. This was new, I had goosebumps everywhere, it felt weird but not bad. My boyfriend was fingering Openness and commented on how wet she was, we all giggled awkwardly, and he went to put on a condom…
We didn’t usually use a condom for sex but had agreed he would use one with a new partner. As he slipped the condom on he asked Openness “Would you like me to fuck you?” she nodded. He turned to me and while brushing his hands along my breasts asked “Does that sound okay to you?” I nodded slowly, not able to find words, I was diving in. Openness flipped down on the bed and my boyfriend got between her legs, I didn’t know where to go so I sat just above her. As my boyfriend penetrated her I felt a weird sense of attraction towards him. He wanted me there, to watch, to participate, to experience with him. I touched myself as I watched. They changed positions, doggie-style now, I touched her boobs and bit my partners earlobes. Openness came, honestly or faking it, I don’t know and I’m not sure I cared either.
She flipped back over and sucked my nipples and reached for my boyfriends dick, I sensed this woman didn’t have many reservations in life. She had peeled the condom off and starting giving my boyfriend a blowjob, his hands were running up and down my back. When Openness stopped my partner sat on the bed and motioned for me to get on top of him. I sat facing away from him, Openness touched me as my boyfriend hugged my hips into him, it was a lot all at once. I figured that I wasn’t going to cum during this rendez-vous as I was so in my head and all over the place, and orgasm for me typically involves focus and presence. But Openness’ fingers found their way to the top of my clit and it wasn’t long before I was overtaken by orgasm. I remember being utterly surprised at how amazing it felt. I asked my partner if he wanted to cum, it may have been a loaded question as I’m not sure I wanted to hear him express interest in getting inside Openness again. He said yes, and asked me to suck his dick and that he wanted to cum on Openness’ tits. This didn’t surprise me I remember thinking, and was oddly satisfied as I watched him cum on her. The three of us lay back in the bed, Openness had her hand on my partner’s chest, his hand was in my hair and I was smiling. “Well that was fun” my boyfriend commented. It was. So much more fun than my anxiety had let myself think it could be.
I poured everyone wine as we all sat in bed discussing hilarious sexual encounters from the past and clinking glasses to open minds. Openness called a cab eventually and headed back to her hotel. No numbers or last names exchanged. She left and I fell asleep to my partner whispering all the things he loved about me. I realized then that I had also fallen quite in love with the person I was open to being too.
I hadn’t thought about this story in a while and reflecting back I am glad it happened. I learned what’s possible when you invite openness into the bedroom with you. My partner and I had worked hard to create a really safe space to get naked and explore. For others who are curious, I think this is the secret sauce, the willingness to share and discuss with your partner, to work out the details and logistics and build trust that these experiences are for both of you, and not that your partner just wants to be with someone else. This dialogue enabled me to be nervous and scared but also find confidence to test the waters and stave off jealousy. I would do it again for sure if I was in a sexual relationship where I felt that trust. Definitely with another woman; for some reason two males seems like a lot of dick to me but never say never. I’d even consider being the third wheel although I feel I’d be a bit shy (I hear there’s an app for that nowadays). I certainly don’t crave threesomes in my everyday sex life, but Openness would be welcome into the bedroom anytime.
Originally published on Cambyo. Cambyo is a collection of trailblazers who share stories and struggles to help people develop their intimate lives. Sign up for their free newsletter so you can continue the journey of learning about intimacy through real stories.
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