The Very Unofficial Splendour In The Grass Drinking Game

Splendour In The Grass, the cornerstone of Australia’s festival calendar, is just around the corner. It’s our favourite festival down under, and it’s probably yours too. It’s also an all-inclusive excuse for thousands of people to party excessively for four straight days, and a reminder that while many of the big guns in Australia’s music scene have suffered lately, we’ll always have this sold out gem to look forward to.

In the spirit of pre-Splendour excitement, we’ve devised a drinking game to play while you’re there. As no one should ever drink alcohol (it’s the precursor to spawning a devil from your rectum), this game is to be played with organic apple juice purchased prior to arriving at the festival and ferried in using plastic bottles only.

We’d love if you could add rules/suggestions so we can update in the lead up to the event. Thanks, and happy apple juicing.

Single Sip
– You see an alpha male taking control of campsite setup.
– You see a girl with a bindi.
– You see a dude wearing tights/leggings.
– You stub your toe on a tent peg.
– A muscly dude says “sorry” or “yeah bro” in your immediate vicinity.
– You see a Violent Soho t-shirt.
– A stranger ‘fuck eyes’ you (that empty gaze people who are about to pass out have).

Double Sip
– You spot someone chewing the invisible steak (gurning).
– You watch helplessly as a person tries to make a phone call in the mosh pit.
– A person walks out of the toilets as you walk in and there’s a look of guilt on their face.
– You observe a couple fighting with one another.
– You hear someone scream ‘YEWWWWWW’
– You see a red flannelette shirt tied around a waist.
– You encounter a pack of ‘rinsers’. An extra sip for every bucket hat in said group.

Down The Hatch
– You spend time consoling a crying female who’s lost her friends.
– A stranger talks to you about how Splendour In The Grass ‘has changed’.
– You spot a girl using her oversized sunnies and a slanted hill to disguise the fact she’s passed out.
– You see brusses fighting.
– You hear a person complaining about the potency of their drugs.
– A person from a stall tries to sell you something.

Special Rule: Fuck Up The Memories
Attempt a photobomb. If you complete it without being spotted by the photographer/photograph-ees (?), allocate a double sip to one member of your group. If unsuccessful, finish whatever drink(s) you’re holding.

Remember: don’t drink. You’ll die.

Categories: Stories
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