We’ve all been there. You rock up to work and the whole world is crumbling, but only you know it. You’ve eaten a slice of pizza the night before and Berocca the morning of. You’ve used up all your sick days, you really need the cash, or you want to avoid the shame of calling in sick after a work party (cringe), so you make yourself go. Either way, getting through work hungover as fuck is as common as avocado and toast on Instagram. Only, it doesn’t taste nearly as nice, especially since it’s probably just coming back up.
So. You’ve stumbled in, avoided people on public transport, road raged hard core, or shuffled like a zombie – all for the man.
You’re probably thinking to yourself at this point, WHY? As you squint at your colleagues in awe at how fast they’re typing, speaking, walking, working — everything. All you’re thinking about is where you ended up the night before and how you possibly made it into work in your current state. You may or may not have vomit breath, drunk texted an ex (or worse, teammate), given a homeless man your wallet, broken your neighbour’s gate and peed on their dog. Let’s just say there’s lots on your mind, definitely not work-related.
Keep it together with these handy tips.
Don’t draw attention to yourself (I know, it’s hard)
You’re fucked. You’re tired. You’re maybe even a little drunk still. But stay calm. Drawing attention to yourself only attracts drama, and the drama will draw attention to the fact that you’ve done little to no work all day. Keep your partying shenanigans on the DL. Also, if the urge to chuck-up-your-gut arises, move swiftly, but calmly, to the bathroom. With haste, I say.
Keep a spare toothbrush and toothpaste handy
For the aforementioned probability. You can’t keep your up-chucking under the radar if you’re walking around with teeth coated in vomit chunks and bile breath. Shesh.
Whether you’re a regular drinker, social drinker (aren’t we all?), occasional drinker, whatever, the key is preparation. Always have on hand your trusty hangover kit, ready and fully stocked. What are those key ingredients, you say? Ah! I’m glad you asked. Make sure it includes your favourite energy drink, hydralites, pain killers (and lots of them), water bottle (full of water, that’s important), and more electrolyte-inducing potions. And maybe some anti nausea tablets.
Stock up on these wonderful modern day luxuries and subtly repeat doses as the day goes on. It won’t make your headache, spinning, and nausea go away completely, but it’ll get you through. If you want to include an exotic ‘so-called’ hangover cure into the mix, up to you (warning: may induce further up-chucking).
Avoid conversations regarding the night of your bender
All you’ll be thinking about is your current state of suffering, you’ll possibly bring up your drunken-induced hilarities (that only you will find funny), and you may or may not cross the boundaries between workmates and, “Fuck yeah, for the boys!”. They’ll also notice your hungover state, shame you for it, make the suffering worse by giving you more work, laugh in your face, or annoy the living shit out of you. All. Day. Long.
Set a regular alarm
Let’s face it, you can’t get through your day like a champ if you’re not there at all. So take one for the team and make sure it’s set, daily.
Words by Jacquiline Fraser. Illustration by Chaostrich.