Words by Jenna Morrissey
Dating certainly has its perks, like free food and much-needed validation.
For the most part, though, dating in and of itself is the worst. It is the land where basic respect and human decency go right out the proverbial window. That is, if you’re doing it correctly.
Now technically going on a date shouldn’t be a game – but there are ways you can win.
The ideal way to start the date is to play it cool. Forget their name at first. Stare at them until they have to explain who they are. Ask them which dating site you met them on, even if you met them in person. You are casting a very wide net – make sure your date knows they’re not the only fish you’ve dragged up on to dry land to inspect.
Then begin the introductions. We all define ourselves by our job. Why not make a solid and generally successful pun-orientated pick up line about their work? You can set them at ease and establish a witty rapport. For example, they might work in finance. The word ‘interest’ can be used both financially and sexually. Use that somehow.
Ordering for your date is a risky, yet fruitful, strategy. It shows your date that you have figured them out, and that they very much come across as a ‘spaghetti bolognese’ type of individual. That being said, you also want to show you’re flexible and a good listener, so be sure to ask for their opinion on what you should order for yourself. It’s this unpredictability that is very desirable in a mate.
Now there is a golden rule when it comes to general date chat: every conversation is a competition. There are two of you, but only one can win – and they don’t want to date a loser.
So, they did a month long South American trip and hiked Machu Picchu. Let them know you are legally registered as an Inca, and ‘pretty much run the place’.
If they’ve recently had a death in the family, you can cheer them up by informing them that no one in your family has ever died. Mention that it must be because of your strong genes, but they can always be ‘passed on’. For impact, follow with a slow wink. They will appreciate that you can lighten the mood when they open up to you.
When it comes to the end always offer to split the bill. It’s 2017 – we’re all equal. When the waiter arrives, in the spirit of equality, make sure they only add up the things you had. For example: if your date had 3 croquettes and you only had 2, only pay for two fifths of the price. Stand your ground about it – confidence is sexy.
In the end, remember that dating is very subjective. And if you never hear from your date again, take it personally, because it reflects on you as a human.
Feature image: Galore Mag
Image: Know Your Mobile