At some point in every Australian male’s life he is forced to ask himself the question: In a one-on-one, mano e mano fight between myself and a kangaroo, who would win?
It’s a cultural rite of passage, a trial by fire. Every man of the sunburned country must prove the size of his stones by duking it out with our national animal. I daresay it’s probably mentioned somewhere in the second verse of the Australian anthem.
A gardener from Perth was forced to consider the odds recently, when he bumped into the Floyd Mayweather of marsupials in bushland near the Margaret River. The 6 foot 5 inch roo was bathing in a creek, apparently, scrubbing down his washboard abs, when Jackson Vincent stumbled upon him.
“He sort of just looked over at us and I started taking photos, and the dog started barking, and then he started coming out of the water and then we realised how big he was,” said Vincent, whose masculinity was clearly threatened by the animal’s throbbing bi’s, tri’s and deltoids.
“He really puffed himself up for me and my dog.”
Now of course, these kinds of photos set unrealistic expectations for the body image of Australian males. Yes, it’s clear that this animal does in fact lift. But a man’s manliness should not be defined by the sum of his muscles.
That said, just look at this specimen. I bet he bakes a mean banana muffin. I bet he’s not afraid to express his emotions, and openly wept during The Notebook. I bet he’s a fucking generous lover, with a libido to match.
In fact, in any field you care to name, I’d wager that this rippling 6 foot 5 knot of muscle is more of a man than you could ever hope to be.
Also: I bet he’s got a massive dick.
Source: ABC News
Feature image: The West Australian
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