Wikipedia classifies the antihero as “a protagonist who lacks conventional heroic qualities such as idealism, courage, or morality.”
It’s one word that comes to mind when you hear about a bloke wearing a bucket and a garbage bag, storming a religious store with a ladder like it’s the fucking crusades and making off with forty racing pigeons. This is breaking and entering, trespassing, theft–it’s morally bankrupt and abhorrent. And yet there’s something about this faceless zealot that commands a begrudging kind of respect.
Maybe it’s the way the garbage bag hangs from his shoulders like a cape; the way he stumbles to the ground, a reminder that he’s a mere mortal, as he flees the scene of the crime; or the way he strides off into the night without a single fuck given–an antihero in the truest sense.
Storeowners Mae and Nelson Hernandez had only shut up their Miami shop for the night a few hours earlier when surveillance cameras caught an invader jumping the fence and entering the premises. The bucket-helmeted hoodlum proceeded to plunder around $7000 worth of live birds and tools, before scaling the fence again and legging it down the street.
What such a delinquent hopes to do with forty racing pigeons is literally anyone’s guess. One almost hopes he leads a noble cause: that he’s liberating the birds from a life of slavery and forcible detention, only to release them dramatically from a rooftop at dawn. But the fact of the matter is he’s probably going to sell them on Craigslist or something.
Or eat them. I mean the guy’s wearing a bucket and a garbage bag, for Christ’s sake.
Photo: Miami-Dade Police