McNuggets make people do crazy things. I guarantee someone you know made a fuckeyed 3am pilgrimage to Maccas at some point this weekend, itching like a crack fiend for those breaded little pieces of bird. In 2012, a Los Angeles woman was arrested for opening customers’ car doors in the McDonalds drive-thru and asking for free nugs in exchange for sexual favours. And just last week, a 12-year-old in East Harlem pulled a gun on his classmate after she refused to give him one of her precious pieces of deep-fried gold (read: mashed chicken in a leathery batter).
The story starts off in pretty standard fashion: one person having nuggets; another person wanting nuggets; the nugget-less person asking for a nugget; the nugget-ed person refusing to give away any of their nuggets; etcetera. In this particular case, however, the nugget-less little boy didn’t take too well to being denied. He followed his 13-year-old classmate to the subway, where he asked her again if he could have a nugget (because nuggets) and produced a handgun, aiming it at her head.
At this point it’s a simple question of who wants it more: the aggressor, whom, presumably incensed by the sight and possibly the smell of his colleague’s McNuggets, has resorted to extortion and gun violence just to get his hands on one; and the victim, whom now has to decide between handing over a fifty-cent nugget and risking certain death.
In what is perhaps the most savage rebuke of McNugget-related history, the girl slapped the handgun out of the boy’s hand and told him to leave her alone. The next day the bad bitch reported the wannabe Hamburglar to school officials, and he was later arrested for attempted robbery (charged as a juvenile).
Seriously though, how good are McNuggets?
Feature Image: Boing Boing