The NT News, arguably the best news source in Australia and a perpetual reminder about how God damn fitting the term ‘straya is, has been sent a photo of a man’s testicles in the clinches of a saltwater crocodile’s mouth.
Opening up a slew of punny jokes about the “a-saltie” that occurred, the photo was sent it by an anonymous Darwin woman who wasn’t available to comment. Fearing a stitch up, the NT News talked with local croc expert and Crocodylus Park owner, Professor Grahame Webb, who said “the attack appeared to be real”.
“Its head is bent at such an odd angle and it’s such an odd shape, I can’t see why anyone would stuff a crocodile like that,” he told the newspaper, which is a legit rag and a subsidiary of News Corp Australia. “I’ve seen photos of crocs with people from all over the world and that’s new territory for me.”
“They breed them tough in the NT – crocs and people.”
Not intent with just one legitimate source commenting on the “ballsy attack”, they heard from another unidentified bloke that “The bacteria on a little saltie’s teeth can cause serious infections,” explaining, “I’ve seen people with minor bites end up with topical ulcers. Your wedding tackle is not really somewhere you want a topical ulcer.”
Here’s the pic.