54-year-old Roberto Esquival Cabrera, of Saltillo, Mexico, boasts what has got to be the world’s biggest human schlong. How big? Fucking really big. Big enough to fend off wolves. Big enough to prevent him from dropping to his knees. So big that it genuinely needs its own pillow when Cabrera sleeps at night, unable to lie on his front. Like, nearly 50 centimetres whilst flaccid big.
Just cop a squizz at the photograph above, in which a smirking Cabrera sits at the foot of his bed in a straw hat, posing with his monstrous piece like it’s a Winchester hunting rifle. And with good reason: that thing looks to be a deadset weapon. But the colossal irony of Roberto Esquival Cabrera’s giant Johnson is that it’s too bloody huge to be put to proper use.
“I can never penetrate anyone because it is too thick,” said Cabrera, candidly confirming that bigger isn’t, in fact, always better. Turns out there’s such a thing as too much girth, and the sheer mass of Cabrera’s member prevents him from ever being able to perform intercourse. Add to that the handful of health complications, including frequent urinary tract infections, and suddenly having the longest pork sword in the kingdom doesn’t look so crash hot after all.
And yet, despite the daily struggle of having to lug around a flagpole the size of one-and-a-half Subway sandwiches in his dacks, Cabrera stubbornly refuses doctor’s recommendations to have his penis shortened.
“We have advised him ‘Roberto, the best thing for you is that the doctors give a normal shape to your penis so that it doesn’t hurt you, in order to have sexual relationships, in order to have children,’” said Cabrera’s doctor, Dr Jesus David Salazar Gonzales. “But he doesn’t accept it. He’d rather have a bigger penis than the rest of the people.”
“I am famous because I have the biggest penis in the world,” Cabrera declares, bluntly, apparently drunk on the kind of power that having a 19-inch nether rod entails. “I am happy with my penis. I know nobody has the size I have.”
More than anything, though, Cabrera hopes that his record-breaking firebrand will burn his name into the annals of phallic history. Dr Gonzalez explained that Cabrera’s been “obsessed with [his] penis length” ever since he was young, and that he “began with this enlargement since he was a teenager, wrapping some bands around his penis with some weights and trying to stretch it.” Unfortunately, though, the Guinness Book Of Records doesn’t yet recognise Cabrera’s tremendous tallywhacker as being the biggest in the world.
The road to greatness is fraught with adversity, and Cabrera’s finding out the stiff way that nothing worth having comes easy. UK publication The Metro states that “Though Roberto loves his penis, he says it is a ‘disability’ and stops him from working, forcing him to rely on food banks to survive.”
Honestly, this guy’s dedication to his bell-end deserves to be memorised in song.
Images: Barcroft images
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