France Wants to Pay People 22k to Lie in Bed for 2 Months

Life’s hard, doing things sucks and crawling out of bed at 6 in the morning every day is enough to cause even the manliest of men to weep in the shower. It doesn’t stop there, the outside world is riddled with war, famine, and people who laugh out loud at texts they receive on the bus.As soon as you step out of bed, bad things tend to happen. Coincidence? I think not.

Wouldn’t it be brilliant if you could avoid the outside world while still getting enough moolah to ball out? Well thanks to researchers at France’s space medical institute, that could be a very real possibility.

Scientists at the Institute for Space Medicine and Physiology in South France are seeking young, fit and healthy men to spend 60 days lying flat on their back in order to study the effects of microgravity, a state of virtual weightlessness.

Candidates must be fit and sporty males between the ages of 20-45 who do not smoke, have no allergies and boast maximum body mass index of between 22 and 27… so they basically have impossibly high standards that no modern man can meet. The 24 successful participants will have to undergo a series of battery tests for two weeks before hopping in bed for two months.

The experiment serves an important function. Dr Arnaud Beck, who is coordinating the experiment, said that “The idea of this study is to reproduce the weightlessness of the International Space Station (ISS).

“During the first two weeks our scientists will do a whole series of tests and measurements on the volunteers. This will be followed by a 60-day period during which they must remain in bed, the head slightly inclined downwards at less than six degrees.”

While getting paid to lie in bed for 2 months sounds like a good time, those who apply would be expected to eat, wash, and perform all bodily functions while lying in bed. “The rule is to keep at least one shoulder in contact with the bed or its frame.”

The final two weeks of the test will be spent recovering (as if you haven’t done enough already you lazy layabout) and undergoing further tests to establish how fucked up someone is after not getting out of bed for two months.

Participants can expect to experience muscle loss, a drop in bone density and may find it difficult to stand afterward. Beck also said that “In certain conditions the cardiovascular system is affected and is not capable of making the same effort as before the experiment. We even see a greater tendency to drops in blood pressure and vertigo.”

So if that sounds like your cup of tea, you can apply here.

Categories: Breaking (news)
Ethan Gould: