Drones are deadset going to spell the end of the human race.
Two days ago, a haywire GoPro Karma drone smashed through the 27th-floor window of an older woman’s Manhattan apartment, missing her by a matter of metres while she sat peacefully in her living room. Last year, a young Australian opportunist famously deployed a drone to grab himself a long-distance Bunnings snag and effectively forecasted the imminent redundancy of barbie chefs the nation over. Last week, a French journalist tweeted a snapshot of a non-military drone that had been “weaponised” by IS forces—using PVC pipe and shuttlecocks—to drop bombs on their enemies.
The future’s looking bleak for anyone who isn’t a professional e-sports drone racer. But fear not, doomsday-prepping robophobes: the French military has come up with a means of combatting drone-related threats and yep, it’s fucking eagles.
Since last year, the French Air Force has been going about the business of turning four young and glorious golden eagles into anti-aircraft war machines. The birds—named d’Artagnan, Athos, Porthos and Aramis, after characters from The Three Musketeers—have been trained to hunt and destroy flying drones from a tender age, rewarded with pieces of meat served upon the backs of their fallen adversaries.
The bestial military tactic offers a way for French authorities to incapacitate hostile drones where the use of firearms would be considered too dangerous, such as in large crowds. Translated into a real-life warfare scenario, it’s probably going to look exactly like that scene in The Lord Of The Rings where somebody yells “The eagles are coming!” and the eagles come and everyone cheers while their airborne enemies are brutalised in the skies overhead. Probably.
This isn’t the first we’ve seen of animals rising up against these harpies of the future, either. From a wedge-tailed eagle in Australia, to a New Zealand ram by the name of Rambro, all manner of birds and beasts have had their way with intrusive drones over the years.
Melbourne Aerial Video, who caught the wedge-tailed incident on video, offers some sagacious advice: “Do not fly drones near birds of prey, they clearly attack seeing you as a threat or the right sized dinner.”
Consider yourselves warned, terrorists.
Feature image: Georges Gobet – AFP/Getty