If you’ve ever shelled out three hundred dollaridoos for a milligram of coke mixed with a gram of battery acid, then you already know: the street price for high times down under is through the flamin’ roof. And yet we oblige. After all, this is the way it’s always been– Aussie guys and gals have been paying through the nose for nose beers since Captain Cooked brought the first kilo of marching powder into this great southern land.
But how exorbitant are drug prices in Australia really? Compared to our fellow munters across the pond– from the ket-loving Brits to the molly-munching Europeans– just how expensive are our recreational narcotics?
Some of the most expensive in the world, as it turns out.
The Bloomberg Vice Index compares global prices of drugs and alcohol by referring to what they call the ‘basket of vice’: quite simply, a hypothetical hamper containing a healthy mix of cigarettes, grog, amphetamines, weed, coke and opioids. A whole galaxy of uppers, downers, screamers and laughers. Then, as if to assume that in some twisted parallel universe people are actually going out and buying all of these things (winks either ironically or from a drug-induced spasm) Bloomberg compares the going price for the basket in different countries and determines the cheapest, as well as the most expensive, places in the world to get a buzz on.
(all prices in USD)
Australia ranks as the third-most expensive country, with a basket of vice looking to set you back some $1318.42 AUD. The title for the most expensive nation goes to Venezuela, where you’ll be $4883.32 AUD out of pocket for one basket, followed by Japan, where you’ll be paying $1931.01 AUD.
The main factors affecting the price of drugs for consumers are distribution costs. In Australia, a combination of strict law enforcement and extreme distance from the production source results in a price hike-up. In Laos, on the other hand– where law enforcement is lax and Asia’s opium-rich Golden Triangle only a stoner’s throw away– the price for the basket drops to a mere $55.46 AUD.
After a cheap as chips basket of vice? Well look no further than the Democratic Republic of the Congo, dear friends– where you’ll be able to smoke, drink, chew, choof, snort and shoot til your black heart’s content, all for just $26.26 AUD. According to Bloomberg, this is the cheapest place in the planet to get absolutely terminated.
We should also probably take this chance to point out what Bloomberg neglected to: namely, that a real-life basket of vice for any one person is just an awful, awful idea. We all like to have a hootenanny from time to time, but Jesus– party safe ya freaks.
Feature Image: The Independent