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Arctic Explorer Suffers Frozen Penis

Antarctica is a cruel mistress. It’s the coldest, driest and windiest continent in the world, there’s no local time, and the inhabitants consist of a few thousand scientists and a few million jerk penguins. Couple that with the fact that you can straight up freeze your dick off, and you’ve got yourself one actual hell of a place.

26-year-old trekker, explorer and doctor Alex Brazier is having a not so zooper dooper time on the white continent after his battered sav turned into an icy pole. ‘Polar penis’ is a thing, apparently, and Brazier done got it bad: making his love muscle swell up in all the wrong kinds of ways.

“We found that for some reason I was getting particularly chilly in the nether regions,” Brazier stated in a recent Facebook post, providing an update on his team’s progress. “There’s a phenomenon called polar penis, which sounds hilarious but as it turns out incredibly unpleasant, and really quite painful and cold… Fortunately, I now have a large thick woollen hat stuffed down in that region. It turned out to make all the difference. The hat will probably stay there for the next 80 days.”


Photo: Facebook/SPEAR17

It deserves to be said that the guy seems to be taking all of this pretty well, considering he’s just told the world that his pork sword’s become an icicle.

Brazier is one of six military reservists attempting the 1,100 mile trek across the unforgiving continent. If they succeed they’ll set a record for the amount of people that have completed the challenge unsupported, with each man pulling his own food and tent in a sled behind him.

It’s no walk in the park, in other words– and literally the last thing you need whilst battling the icy wastes of Antarctica is for your own south pole to freeze over. Power to ‘em.

 

Gavin Butler: